


speak now or forever hold your peace

by wildestdreams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bottom Harry, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Smut, Top Louis, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 11:35:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4827680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildestdreams/pseuds/wildestdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, Louis is getting married.”</p><p>Zayn just blinked at him and gave a single nod in response to Harry’s sudden topic change. </p><p>“That’s all?” Harry asked. “That’s all you’ve got to say about it? Louis is getting married and all you do is nod your head?”</p><p>“What do you want me to say?” Zayn burst out laughing. “I didn’t realize that Louis was someone we still talked about.”</p><p>“He’s not,” Harry said firmly. “But right now --.” Harry let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Louis is getting married, okay? And he sent everyone an invitation -- he let everyone know -- <i>but me</i>.”</p><p>or, the one where Harry crashes Louis’ wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	speak now or forever hold your peace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daggerandtherose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggerandtherose/gifts).



> for the prompt: hl have been friends since childhood, around 15/17 something went wrong and they stopped speaking. 8 years later, harry is about to get married and louis turns up to the wedding out of nowhere, drunk, and with an excuse.
> 
> hey hi hello! it was so much fun pinch hitting for this fic and i wish i wasn't under such a time crunch, otherwise maybe i could have done more with this, but i really quite liked how this turned out. i took the prompt and switched h/l's roles in it, i hope you don't mind! and i used inspiration from taylor swift's song "speak now" bc ofc i did and i also was inspired by the movie "love rosie." it's a really great movie and i suggest you all watch. i took several scenes/dialogues directly from the movie, but didn't quite follow their route, but i had been meaning to do an au on that movie for quite a while, so im happy i finally did get to! 
> 
> big thanks to my bub alexis, sonia!!!!!, lesleigh!!! and paigeee for their help/feedback! 
> 
> title from "speak now" by taylor swift
> 
> i hope you all enjoy it, esp you daggerandtherose. your prompts were so good!

**// present day //**

Harry shoved his keys into the lock of his front door, turning it with practiced memory before opening it and strolling into his flat. He was immediately hit with the smell of microwave oven and stale beer.  

Fucking Niall.

Harry had told him time and again that he needed to start using the air fresheners that Harry bought and left around in different rooms in their shared flat. It was just that he’d like to come home after a long day of work to smelling roses and fresh linen in the air, not fucking Uni food. Harry would just give Niall a warning, though, because Niall got nervous if anyone started yelling at him.

“Niall,” Harry called, stepping out of his shoes and shoving them in the coat closet beside the front door. “Niall, you home?”

“I’m in my room,” Niall yelled back.

Harry sighed. Great, because now Niall probably -- most likely -- stained his sheets that Harry would have to wash for him. He felt like Niall’s mom most days rather than roommate. Harry walked through the hall and into Niall’s bedroom where sure enough, he was lying on his side, slurping noodles and watching Netflix on his laptop.

“Hey,” Niall greeted with a smile.

“Hi,” Harry replied, trying to maintain a firm tone. “It smells in here.”

“Smells good?” Niall asked.

“No,” Harry shook his head, frustrated. “Smells like our dorm room from bloody eight years ago.”

Niall cackled, throwing his head back. “Just spray some of em fresheners you got.”

“I will. And I hope next time you do it, too.”

“Will do,” Niall replied happily. “Now tell me how work was.”

Harry sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face as he turned around from the room and walked towards the kitchen, which Niall made sure was conveniently right beside his bedroom, and looked at the pile of mail on the table that was waiting for him to sort through. Well, might as well get that out of the way, he thought. “It was stressful,” Harry answered eventually, working through bills and junk mail. “Caleb -- you remember, Caleb, right? That guy I absolutely fucking hate -- he fucking ate my lunch today. And then he tried to undermine me during a meeting.”

“He sounds like a proper twat.”

“He is,” Harry agreed, throwing out a menu from Golden Noodle. He knew Niall already had one in their takeaway drawer. “So, then, Taylor took me out to lunch to cheer me up and we had pizza and talked about boys. That was nice.”

“Taylor’s fit. Is she single, or?”

“She’s single, but I’m not hooking you two up.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because -- have you never seen that episode of Friends where Rachel hooks up Chandler with her co-worker and it ends badly and he had to keep dating her? I can’t deal with all that. Taylor’s the nicest in our office. If you hurt her, then she’ll hate me, and need I warn you that Taylor’s very creative albeit justified when she gets hurt. Did you know she sings?”

“Yeah, but what if we fall in love and get married?”

Harry rolled his eyes at that theory just as he came across cute postcard from his mum and stepdad, both of whom were on holidays in Ibiza, and made a mental note to give them a call later. He continued to sift through the pile and almost forgot that he was conversing with Niall until he spoke up again.

“Alright, so, one shag. That’s my compromise.”

“Niall, no compromising. I’m not introducing you to Taylor.”

“You don’t have to because I already met her at your holiday party from last year. Just...help me do a follow up meeting and I’ll take it from there.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“I let you bone my mate Jacob that one time I took you back home with me. You bloody owe me.”

Fuck. Niall was playing dirty. “I’ll think about it,” he replied eventually.

“I’ll take that. Anyway, when can I kick Caleb’s arse?”

“Any day you want,” Harry said. “Do you know what he did last we--.”

Harry’s words stopped short as he looked down at an envelope addressed to Niall from Louis Tomlinson.

From Louis. _Tomlinson._

Harry laughed to himself nervously.

 _No_ , it couldn’t be.

From Harry’s Louis?

Well, he wasn’t Harry’s Louis anymore. But still.

What in the world was Louis writing to Niall for? He wasn’t even aware that they spoke let alone being fucking penpals. Harry flipped around the golden colored envelope, staring at the fancy writing on the front, wondering if maybe this was spam. Did Louis get hacked?

Fuck.

That couldn’t be because that only happened online. Harry was working too much because now he was starting to think like a bloody computer. He noticed then that the envelope was already opened and looked over at Niall’s room to see that he was back to watching his show, not paying attention to Harry anymore. Harry bet that Niall wouldn’t really care if Harry just took a peek to see what this was about. Niall was so _chill_. He’d be totally cool with it.

Harry’s fingers shook despite that as he opened the flap of the envelope and slid out the card from inside, opening it. His jaw practically dropped to the floor and his heart felt like it stopped beating as he looked at the words.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of_

_Louis William Tomlinson_

_and_

_Chloe Annabelle Clearwater_

_On Saturday, July 15, 2015_

_at four o’clock._

Louis was getting married.

Louis was getting married to fucking Chloe Clearwater.

They were getting married in a fucking week.

 _Harry’s Louis_ was getting married.

Well, he wasn’t Harry’s Louis anymore -- oh, fucking shit fuck mother fucking Christ.

Harry floundered with the invitation, charging back into Niall’s room with it where the other boy was looking as relaxed as ever while Harry’s insides suddenly felt like a hurricane was about to start. “Niall,” Harry said, his voice sounding strained and far away because he could swear his ears were ringing. “Niall -- Louis is getting married.”

Niall looked up from his screen, frowning in confusion until he got a look at what Harry was holding. “Hey, were you going through my mail?”

“Not the time, Niall. _Louis is getting married_!”

“I know,” Niall said, sitting up on the bed properly. “I got the invitation, which by the way, was addressed to me and you shouldn’t have been snooping through.”

“So, what?” Harry demanded with a furious frown. “You just weren’t going to tell me? You were going to rent a tux and dawdle on over to the church on July fifteenth and watch Louis get married? What the hell, Niall?”

“Look,” Niall said, raising his hand as a way to stop Harry from going off again. “I just got the invitation this morning, so sorry that the fact that one of our mates from eight years ago is getting married wasn’t the first thing on my mind.”

Harry doesn’t reply because he had transitioned from freaking out to being completely stumped hearing Niall say it.

Louis Tomlinson is _getting married._

Fuck.

He felt like he was being thrust into some twilight zone because this just -- this was just fucking _weird_.

“Besides,” Niall continued, snapping Harry out of his daze. “I didn’t think you’d care, to be honest? It’s not like you two talk anymore -- or do you?”

Harry shook his head shakily, trying to steady his heartbeat that’d been going at a quick rate since he opened the fucking invitation.

“That’s what I thought,” Niall said. “Anyway, if you’re still mad at me, do you want me to make you Ramen? I can make a pretty good bowl of Ramen.”

**…**

Harry found himself on Louis’ Facebook page later that night because _of course_.

At two in the morning, no less.

He’d gone to bed at a reasonable time, his usual for a work night, and had been fine for a while, trying to swallow the news of Louis’ marriage so far down that it wouldn’t surface again. However, with the lights off and the quiet hum of the city outside his window, it was like every part of his brain was being consumed by the knowledge, memories, and mere _thought_ of Louis. And with all that in Harry’s mind, he started to realize that he really wanted to see him, too. He wanted to see how Louis looked now. It had been so long since he had that Harry couldn’t help but wonder how Louis did his hair now because he always used to fuss with it so much. Did he still wear Vans? Did he get rid of that terrible smoking habit that he picked up from Zayn? Did he still like his tea with small splash of milk and no sugar? Did he still snore like a baby dinosaur?

Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe.

So, the solution, he’d thought, was to obviously pull up his Facebook account.

Now, Harry didn’t have Louis on Facebook anymore, but Niall did and Harry was really good at figuring out his password -- so.

Louis didn’t post much. The occasional status where he was _buzzin_ about something, a shared link of a footie article, and a party pic or two that he Instagrammed. There were a few that he was tagged in by friends and while scouring through those, Harry ended up going all the way back to 2009, and accidentally liked one. It was enough to send him into a panic attack, but Harry quickly recovered and unliked then blocked whoever posted it. Louis’ profile picture, on the other hand, was of him and Chloe. _Fucking Chloe Clearwater_. With her perfect blond hair and Disney princess brown eyes.

Harry remembered her well.

Ignoring Chloe’s face in the picture, where she was obnoxiously flashing her engagement ring, Harry focused on Louis. He focused on Louis’s soft, blue eyes, sharp cheekbones, and thin, pink lips, and how he looked like he hadn’t changed at all while at the same time looking like he’d grown a bit, too. It was weird, really, because Harry was looking at him and thinking, _I know him, I know how his favorite food and his favorite song and how he tastes_ , but then does he really know him anymore?

It’d been eight years.

**// eight years ago //**

The day of Harry’s 18th birthday, he woke up to his pesky, older sister, Gemma, banging on his door, and the biggest hangover he’d ever had. “Harry,” she hollered, as though he was deaf. “Louis’ here.”

Harry closed his eyes again, his headache reaching thrumming against his skull, as he slowly lifted himself off his bed. Every limb ached, every bone hurt, and he wasn’t sure whether it would help to curl up in a ball on the floor or not move at all because whatever the fuck he’d drank last night was threatening to come over him at any moment. Nevertheless, he’d somehow managed to make his way to the door, opening it just in time to hear Louis speaking to Harry’s mum downstairs.

“It was totally my fault -- the whole thing,” Louis explained, putting his palm up in surrender as he walked further into the house, his signature jean jacket hanging off his shoulders.

Harry’s mum wasn’t falling for it, though. She sized Louis up and gave him a bored look. “I’d love to believe you, Lou,” mum scoffed, her voice seeming louder than usual. “I _really_ would -- it’s just that I happen to know my own son -- and I know what he’s capable of.”

Harry rolled his eyes at that, frankly insulting, comment and stood at the top of the stairs while looking down at the pair below. He had his comforter still wrapped around his body as he slumped against the wall. “Why is everybody shouting?” Harry asked them, blinking at them lazily. Harry watched as his mum gave Louis a knowing look and walked back to the kitchen. Louis looked up at Harry, walking up the stairs towards him and Harry stumbled back towards his room.

“I’m so embarrassed about last night,” Harry whined to Louis, falling back onto his bed in a heap.

“Oh, no, no,” Louis said earnestly, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. “You don’t have to be.”

Of course Louis would say that, but Harry knew he was a fucking mess last night at the club when Louis had taken him out for his birthday last night. Niall, Zayn and Liam were supposed to go with them, but Niall was grounded for smoking weed in his room, Liam wanted to revise for his bloody Geography exam since he bombed every single one of them and Zayn was sleeping, which meant he wasn’t going to wake up till the next afternoon. Harry went completely overboard with the drinking, more so than usual, and made a complete tit out of himself because he couldn’t really remember anything past the Tequila Slammers that he had drank while Fergalicious was playing on the speakers at the club. However, he was sure whatever he ended up doing was fucking embarrassing.

Harry pouted into his pillow, though, he knew Louis couldn’t see. “I have to wee so badly.” He made no point to move -- just moaned a bit more while Louis looked at him with that same look he’d been giving Harry since he walked inside.

Fuck, Harry must have been really bad last night then.

“On a scale of one to ten, how stupid was I last night?” Harry asked Louis, peeking up from his comforter.

Louis raised his eyebrows, mulling over his answer as he pinched his bottom lip and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You weren’t -- stupid or anything.”

“Come off it, Lou. Last night was awful.”

“Awful,” Louis repeated, looking rather stricken. “Which part?”

“All of it?” Harry replied like it was obvious. “It never happened -- like, Lou -- we can’t tell anyone, especially not the other guys. They can’t know that -- I remember taking off my shirt at some point and showing these guys my nipples? All four.”

Harry started fake crying at that, exaggerating his moans and groans, while Louis gave him a shaky smile and nodded his head. “Alright. Stop crying. I won’t tell anyone.”

Harry smiled at Louis. He really lucked out in the best mate department to be honest because if Harry was as embarrassing as he was last night, most people would have fucked off and left him there. Which -- hold on a minute. Harry frowned at Louis in confusion. “How did we get home last night?”

“My mum picked us up.”

“Your mum?”

“Well -- you passed out at some point while taking shots, so I called her. She lectured me the entire ride and you were spared to hear all of it since you were knocked out the entire way. All about how I’m a terrible influence, blah blah blah.”

Harry smiled, sitting up a little more and scooting closer to Louis. “Well, you are…”

Louis rolled his eyes, making Harry smile a little bigger. “And now I have to spend two hours in the library every day until graduation so that I can get some passing marks this term.”

“That’s a nightmare.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad,” Louis shrugged, smirking over at Harry.

“Why’s that?”

“Because Chloe Clearwater just got a part time job there.”

“Yeah, right,” Harry scoffed with a eye roll.

“What?” Louis laughed.

“Chloe Clearwater?” Harry asked, eyeing Louis curiously. “What? Do you want to sleep with her or something?”

It would be surprising if he would, to be honest. Harry didn’t think Chloe was Louis’ type for starters. She was head cheerleader and the prettiest girl in their year, which was somewhat of a reach, but Harry wouldn’t expect anything less of Louis. He was always setting the bar too high for anyone to reach, but Harry quite liked watching him take everyone's hearts away with a smile, but knowing that no one knew Louis like he did.

“For your information, Haz,” Louis said haughtily. “She’s been the one staring at me and saying hi whenever she sees me at school, so.”

“She’s probably just wondering why you haven’t squeezed that zit on your forehead yet.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“No, come here,” Harry said, crawling into Louis’ space and trying to reach for his forehead. “Lemme do it for you.”

Louis shoved Harry’s arms off, pushing him back on the bed and Harry shrieked, laughing as he tried to oneup Louis and roll him on to his bed. It didn’t work and the two of them were laughing with tears in their eyes by the end of it.

**...**

Harry met Louis when they were in primary school. The two were in the same class and when Harry pushed their desks together because he wanted to use Louis’ sixty four pack crayons, the rest was pretty much history. They passed secret notes between each other, even though most of them had no real context, and never got caught no matter how much they were giggling and trying to be sneaky. That was until one day Louis did get caught by their teacher. When she asked to see it, he stuffed it in his mouth and ate the piece of paper.

That was the day Harry decided he was going to keep Louis around forever.

As their friendship grew thicker, their parents couldn’t keep them apart if they tried, and most nights were spent under their blanket fort that they made in Harry’s room since whenever they made it at Louis’, one of his sisters would come tear it down. Underneath the blanket fort they played make-believe all day, where Harry would pretend that it was his hotel, something he strangely always seemed fascinated by, and Louis was his guest. When it came time to sleep, Louis’d blather on to Harry about the dreams he had the night before. Like the one where he was a cow or the one where his dad was the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Those conversations were filed away under Louis’ Weird Dreams because he had quite a few of them. They spoke of other dreams as well -- ones that they both shared. The two of them would spin Harry’s globe and place their finger down randomly and it would always land on America -- a place both of them had decided they were going to go together. It was something that stayed with them for the next few years when they continued to take on primary and then secondary school together.

After their GCSEs were over, year thirteen felt like smooth sailing as they eagerly awaited to hear back from uni’s. Both Harry and Louis had given in applications to schools over in America, their dream finally being put into action, and made sure that they were all near each other so that they could live together once they moved there. Louis’ preferred choice was Harvard while Harry insisted on Boston College because he liked their programs and scene, but it was mostly because he wanted to be near Louis.

With graduation coming soon, that also meant a ton of parties that the two simply couldn’t miss. After dragging Harry out of bed, they got ready and headed over to the beach for the bonfire. Harry didn’t mind once he got there, his hangover taking a backseat in his mind when he caught sight of Shawn Holloway there, playing footie on the sand with a few of the other guys. Shawn was one of the only openly gay guys at their school, along with Louis and Harry, but neither Louis nor Harry ever gave themselves a definite label because Harry still hadn’t experienced much with either gender and Louis found both males and females attractive.

However, Harry wouldn’t mind experimenting with Shawn. He was well fit and always made a point to check Harry out whenever he saw him. Louis didn’t like him much, though. Harry wasn’t sure why.

“He’s a tool,” Louis told Harry, the two of them sat by the fire, chatting while everyone else carried on around them. He could see Zayn smoking a fag and watching Niall and Liam kick a footie ball back and forth between them.

“Yeah, but he’s fit. A fit tool,” Harry said, giving Louis a dimpled smile. “He asked me to the school dance, you know?”

Louis laughed, a little too shakily, and stumbled over his next words. “What? When? What did you say?”

“Relax,” Harry laughed. “I told him no, of course. I’m going with _you_.”

Louis looked like he was about to respond when Chloe Clearwater walked over, standing in front of the two boys. Harry tried not to stare for too long because her dress was flying up and he could see her knickers from down where he was sitting. It wasn’t doing much for him.

“Hi Lou,” she practically purred. “Missed you at the library today.”

“Uh -- yeah -- I -- uh -- I was -- busy,” Louis stammered, looking like his throat was drying out or summat. “Yeah -- just busy, yeah. I -- sorry.”

Fuck. This was just sad. Harry almost felt bad for Louis, but he knew Chloe was easily impressed, so it was alright. She would be impressed by a trash can if it tried talking to her. It wasn’t that Chloe was a bad person because Harry didn’t know her well enough to pass that judgement, but something about her exchange with Louis was not flying with him.

“Don’t be a stranger, alright?” Chloe said, giving Louis this look like she wanted to devour him right on the beach.

“Yea -- yeah, absolutely not,” Louis chuckled, still stuttering. “I’ll see you there!”

When Louis looked back at Harry, Harry gave him a sympathetic, yet pitying look. “Pathetic,” he said.

“Oh, shut up. She’s so into me.”

“You’re lucky she didn’t trip over your tongue and drag it halfway across the ground.”

“ _Wooooow_ ,” Louis drawled out, laughing softly. “Give me some tips then if you’re so clever. How do I go about seducing this woman, who is apparently out of my league?”

Harry frowned at Louis, trying to search his face, wondering if Louis was serious. “Is that a real question?”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded. “Absolutely.”

Harry pinched his brows together, licking his lips while watching the shadows over the fire dance over Louis’s face, highlighting his cheekbones. “Well, for starters, you’re at a bit of a disadvantage considering you’re a virgin.” When Harry saw Louis hang his head in defeat, he laughed, trying to raise it again. “No, come on. We could work with that. I watched Gemma interacting with boys for years. I think I know some things by now, like, you have to act cool, like you don’t like her and ignore her.”

“Is that so?” Louis asked feigning interest. “I’ll have to practice that one.”  

“Mhmm. Second, you have to seem like you see something in her that no one else has...like, her soul.”

“While I’m still ignoring her?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, okay. But what about the sex?”

“This is about the sex. Just trust me -- I may not get a lot of girls, but I know what the boys do to Gemma when she’s pining over them and listening to Avril Lavigne in her bedroom.”

Louis laughed. “That is so fucked up.”

“You have no idea,” Harry agreed.

Louis bit his lower lip, looking over at Chloe, who was sat with her cheerleading friends. “She talked to me the other day in class about taking her to the dance.”

“Really?” Harry asked, not quite sure how to react. This whole Chloe and Louis thing seemed to be coming out of left field. He’d never paid attention to her and it was surprising to him that Louis was doing the quite the opposite.

Louis nodded, laughing breathily. “Yeah...can you imagine?”

Harry wasn’t sure if Louis was genuinely into Chloe or not because he hadn’t mentioned her too often, but with the way things were playing out that day and at the bonfire, it was making Harry feel a bit pushed aside. On top of that, he didn’t want to feel guilty about Louis not getting any if Chloe was so willing. It all felt weird, to be honest.

“Take her,” he said, looking into Louis’ blue eyes, which almost seemed a shade of golden green. “If it -- if it means that much to you.”

Louis watched Harry curiously for a moment, a stilted smile on his face. Harry wondered what he was thinking about -- whether he was going to fall for it and agree or tell Harry that he wouldn’t do that to him -- that they were still going together. “Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have anyone to go with,” he pointed out.

Harry felt stupid then, though he had no reason to. Louis did want to go to Chloe, after all. He schooled his face into something more nonchalant. “I got asked by the fittest guy in our year, Lou. I think I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, so this is _what_? Is _this_ convenient for you?” Louis sounded almost annoyed and it was getting on Harry’s nerves as well.

“Yeah,” Harry replied without missing a beat.

“Alright,’ Louis gulped. “I’ll go ask her then.”

Harry shrugged, like he didn’t care, and he wondered if he was fooling Louis or himself. “Go for it, Lou.”

“Okay...fine...I will.”

Louis stood up, walking over to Chloe, and Harry wondered when the conversation become so messy. They started out laughing at everyone and just being in their own bubble like they always were. And now, both of them were being weird toward one another and their whole plan of going together was cancelled. It sucked because Harry was really looking forward to it...he and Louis even practiced this dance routine and now he wasn’t sure they’d get to do it. On top of that, Harry wasn’t even properly sure that he wanted to go with Shawn. He only had, like, four conversations with the guy.

It was too late, though.

When Harry looked over at Louis and Chloe, he saw her nodding her head happily and placing a kiss on Louis’ cheek.

**…**

A few days later, Harry saw Louis waving over at him from his computer, trying to be inconspicuous while the teacher had his back turned to the class.

**harry_styles: Your face is annoying me.**

**louis_tomlinson: lol i’ve got news**

**harry_styles: Me too. I need to concentrate in class so I can pass my exams and get a life.**

**louis_tomlinson: virgin boy is no longer.**

Harry read over the words a few times, trying to understand why he felt like puking up the macaroni salad he had for lunch an hour ago.

**louis_tomlinson: helllooo !!! still there?**

**harry_styles: Who’s the unlucky person?**

Not Chloe. Not Chloe. Please, not Chloe.

**louis_tomlinson: CHLOE CLEARWATER**

“Fuck.”

It came out before Harry could stop himself and a lot louder than he intended, his word echoing slightly in the otherwise quiet room. Mr. Dung, their teacher, looked up from his desk and sighed. “Styles,” he said. “Go see yourself to the headmaster’s office.”

Louis shot up from his desk just as Harry did, his heart still hammering in his chest, as he gathered his things quickly. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he panicking like this?

“It was my fault, Mr. Dung,” Louis said. “I needed to tell Harry something. I’m sorry.”

“Alright, Tomlinson. Let’s see what was so important that you couldn’t wait till after class,” Mr. Dung said, clicking something on his computer and pulling up Harry’s screen on the projector, their whole chat transcript visible to the class. It only took a moment for everyone to read and a slow clap started within, one which Harry was just _not_ going to be a part of. He grabbed his bag, rushing out of the classroom, and away from _Louis’ big news_.

**…**

Harry didn’t speak to Louis after the classroom incident. Partly because he got sent to the headmaster’s office and was told off for, like, twenty minutes regarding his classroom behavior and language, something his mum had to hear about as well. And also because he was angry at Louis for having sex with Chloe. Or at least, that was what he was telling himself. He didn’t quite know how to describe the flash of hot anger inside of him whenever he thought of the two. He genuinely had no real explanation for it, either, because he kind of pushed Louis towards Chloe for a bit. Most mates would be happy knowing that their friend got it in, but Harry was annoyed.

It was all a bit strange, the whole thing, and after thinking about it for a few days, he finally settled on the reason being that Harry didn’t want Louis to lose his virginity before he himself had. They’d always done things together and if Louis was having sex, then Harry wanted to as well.

The silent treatment ended the night of the dance when Louis showed up with his mum’s car to pick Harry up. Harry smiled, climbing into the car and buckling himself in, trying to adjust his bowtie in the rearview mirror. They both knew this fight wasn’t going to last that long, anyway, considering when they usually happened, the moment they saw each other again, all the anger seemed to wash away from both and they moved past it.

“We alright?” Louis asked him timidly. “I know we’re not speaking, but...couldn’t let you go to the dance by foot. You’d get all sweaty and your hair wouldn't look as luscious.”

Harry laughed, finally looking over at him and appreciating the way the light blue color of Louis’ shirt brought out his eyes. “We’re fine, Lou. Thanks for picking me up.”

Louis sighed in relief, a smile forming his lips. “It was a strange fight. For a minute there, I thought you might be in love with me or something.”

Harry gulped, running a nervous hand through his hair. “Lou, please. You will forever be the boy who wiped his bogies on my Toy Story shirt, okay? Now let’s go. My date awaits.”

“You’re rather eager,” Louis said, driving towards the hotel where the dance was being held.

Harry nodded in agreement. “Got big plans for tonight.”

Louis looked at him curiously, but didn’t ask anything of it. When they arrived at the dance after picking up Niall, Liam and Zayn, they met their dates by the entrance. The group of them walked in together and after a few spiked drinks in their system, they took to the dance floor.

Now, Harry was having fun with Shawn -- he really was -- but he couldn’t stop himself from looking over at Louis and Chloe every chance he got. It felt weird. Louis would look back at him from time to time as well, but Harry wondered if it was for the same reason -- if he too was wishing it’d been just them because that would have been miles better. They could have been doing their living room dance routine and gotten more drunk, laughing at Zayn’s weird dance moves that could barely be called dance moves. And maybe Harry wouldn’t be obsessively staring at Louis and Chloe like some creepy stalker.

At some point, he watched Chloe back herself up against Louis, grinding down on him, making his mouth drop open from what Harry would only assume was pleasure. Chloe turned around after a while, attaching their lips together in a kiss that was much too sexual for a school dance and it just rubbed Harry the wrong way.

Harry frowned, feeling a pout forming on his lips while the Black Eyed Peas were blasting on the speakers. Everything just felt like shit and he didn’t want to be upset during his last dance in secondary. Harry turned back to his date and realized that it was time.

He was going to lose his virginity.

**...**

A half hour later, Shawn and Harry were sat on the bed while naked in a room that Shawn had booked for the night at the hotel. It wasn’t much so far. Shawn took their clothes off and stroked Harry’s dick with his hand until he was hard, but his palm felt dry and a little weird, but then he took out the lube and that was a whole other ordeal. Since it was Harry’s first time, he decided to bottom, but it hurt more than anything and he wasn’t sure if that was how it was supposed to feel or if Shawn was just bad at this. His fingers felt like they were bruising him inside and the whole thing felt sloppy, with lube dribbling out of Harry’s bum, rather than stretching him open.  

Eventually, after Shawn worked him up to three fingers, Harry decided he was ready because his dick was starting to soften, but then it took Shawn at least another five minutes to just open the condom packet. Did he skip sex ed or what?

“You sure you’ve done this before?” Harry asked Shawn, staring at him unsurely, but Shawn nodded, confidently.

“Of course, loads, yeah.” The rubber snapped on his dick making Shawn screaming out in what seemed like pain and Harry widened his eyes in panic.

“You okay?” he asked shakily.

“‘m fine. Just...get on your knees, yeah?”

“Is it even on you?” Harry asked, motioning towards the condom. “Let me help.”

“No, no. I’m fine, yeah. Come on, quick.”

Harry quickly got on his hands and knees, turning back to look at Shawn as he lined himself up behind Harry. He slid in, slowly, but surely, and Harry grimaced in pain, wondering what they were doing wrong because sex was supposed to be fun. This was _not_ fucking fun.  

Once Shawn was all the way inside, he paused and then slowly rocking forward, once and then twice. Before Harry could even get adjusted to Shawn’s length inside of him, Shawn started moaning and his cock throbbed inside Harry’s rim.

What?

Harry blinked, staring at the hotel’s headboard.

Did he -- did he come already? He couldn’t have thrust in more than four times. What the fuck?

Shawn quickly slid out of Harry, lying on his back, as Harry stared at him wide eyed. What the hell was going on? Was he really done? Harry stared at him, barely hard anymore. This was such a fucking buzzkill and not a good time at all.

He slowly sat back on his bum, staring at Shawn as he came down from his high, albeit short lived, and froze when he got a look at his dick, which was -- free of any rubber. “Where is your condom?” Harry asked him.

“What?” Shawn asked distractedly, yawning. He looked down at his cock and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Must be somewhere.”

“Shawn,” Harry mumbled hysterically, looking around the bed for the condom, but not seeing any traces of it. “It can’t have just disappeared. Where is it?” Shawn shrugged again, looking slightly guilty and that was when it hit Harry, his hand coming up behind to his rim. “ _Fuck_ ,” Harry yelled.

**// present day //**

“So, Louis is getting married.”

Harry stared at Zayn with an expression he hoped was neutral, calm and completely nonchalant, but he wasn’t sure how well that was going. Zayn was always too perceptive and smart for his own good. However, Zayn, for the most part, just blinked at him and gave a single nod in response to Harry’s topic change. It wasn’t like it was random -- they’d been chatting as they always did whenever they took the tube to work together. Harry told Zayn about what he made for dinner last night and Zayn spoke about his night out third wheeling with Liam and Sophia. And, somehow, Harry thought Louis’ wedding invitation was a perfectly good segway from talking about Niall clipping his toenails in the kitchen again.

“That’s all?” Harry asked. “That’s all you’ve got to say about it? Louis is getting married and all you do is nod your head?”

“What do you want me to say?” Zayn burst out laughing. “I didn’t realize that Louis was someone we still talked about.”

“He’s not,” Harry said firmly. “But right now --.” Harry let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. He’d barely gotten any sleep since he was so busy stalking the fuck out of Louis and Chloe’s Facebook pages. “Louis is getting married, okay? And he sent everyone an invitation -- he let everyone know -- _but me_.”

“Why are you surprised by this?” Zayn asked him, narrowing his hazel eyes at the other boy. Harry glared at him, wondering if that was an actual question, or if Zayn was just pulling his leg. Zayn shook his head then quickly when he realized how that sounded. “No -- not like that. I mean...you and Louis haven’t spoken in years. I didn’t think you’d care if he was getting married or not.”

“Of course I care,” Harry said, not liking how his voice cracked at the end of the sentence, making him seem a lot more vulnerable than he’d like. “Lou was my best friend for ages and I know things haven’t been the same in a long time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care that he’s getting married.”

Just as Harry suspected, Zayn noticed the way Harry’s tone changed, and he looked at Harry softly -- sympathetically -- which was just the _worst_. “I understand you’re upset. You have a good reason to be. However, I’m sure Louis thought better than to send you, of all people, an invitation after everything that had happened.”

“A phone call to let me know would have sufficed,” Harry replied bitterly. “I have a right to know about this.”

Zayn paused for a while, examining his nails, as the train lurched at another stop. People filed in and out and once the doors closed again, Zayn spoke up. “Maybe he didn’t know what to say. Like -- Louis was hung up over you for _years_ , Harry.”

Harry blinked at Zayn, his throat feeling a little tighter than usual and pursed his lips, not really knowing what to say.

“You had to have known that, otherwise you two would have been together by now,” Zayn continued. “He literally made it his life’s mission to meet the most beautiful person in the world to try and forget you -- and that ended up being Chloe. Plus, everyone knew she hated you, so.”

Somehow, through all that was going through Harry’s mind, that bit made him start to laugh, eyes watering as Zayn laughed with him. Harry nodded his head slowly, barely able to speak. “She did. She really fucking did hate me.”

“So what makes you think she’d invite you to their wedding?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno...I just never expected to not be at Louis’ wedding, you know? We used to dream about so many different things and make all these plans for the future together and here I am -- not invited to one of the biggest days of his life. It’s crazy to me. But, I also didn’t expect to see him getting married to Chloe, either.”

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, teasing smile on his face. “Who did you expect to be standing next to him at the altar?” He paused. “You?”

Harry sputtered, half choking on air and half trying not to scream at Zayn as he glared at him. “Not what I meant,” he finally bit out.

“Sure, it’s not.”

“Sod off. I’m never taking the tube with you again. I’m going to look into another route.”

“Right, as if. Who else would you whine to about all your feelings, then?”

“I’ve got tons of friends for that,” Harry replied haughtily. “Like Taylor.”

“Oh, right, Taylor. Yeah, Niall called me last night, telling me how you were going to let him sleep with her. Then he spent an hour waxing poetic about her legs, which I have to say, I agree. They’re fantastic.”

Harry rolled his eyes at hearing about Niall. He was going to have to do something about that boy.

**// eight years ago //**

Harry couldn’t find Louis anywhere the day after the dance. He’d went over to his house only to have his little sisters tell him that Louis went out. Harry searched all through the town, looking for his best mate, who was supposed to be there for him during this difficult time. After making a couple of rounds at Louis’ favorite tea shop, Harry finally found him -- at the fucking library of all places -- chatting up Chloe. As if the two of them hadn’t chatted enough the night before.

Oh, wait.

They didn’t because they were too busy sucking each other’s faces off. At least that was what Harry had found them doing when he made his way back downstairs in the ballroom of the hotel the night before. He was going to go to Louis and tell him about the condom situation, but thought better than to approach the other boy when he was in _that_ situation. This time, though, Harry wasn’t going to be so polite. He marched up to where the two were stood and cleared his throat rather impatiently for someone who just got there.

Louis turned around to face him, his face brightening up when he saw it was Harry, and hugged him warmly. “Harry,” he beamed. “Where’ve you been? Didn’t hear from you since last night. Was it that good?”

He winked at him and Harry almost wanted to puke. Louis had _no_ idea.

“I need to speak to you,” Harry said before giving Chloe a dirty look. “ _Alone_.”

Chloe arched a perfectly sculpted and drawn eyebrow, giving Harry an equally dirty look back. She wasn’t stupid and understood that she clearly wasn’t wanted there. She hopped off the desk she was sat on and shrugged, bypassing the two. “Touchy,” she mumbled at Harry, tossing her blond hair over her shoulder. Whatever, Harry thought, not like the two of them were ever friends, anyway.

Louis wasn’t stupid either and caught the exchange for what it was. He looked at Harry expectantly. “Everything alright?” he asked.

“No,” Harry cried, practically hysterical. “Last night was the most humiliating, most awful fucking night of my life, and you weren’t fucking there.”

“Harry,” Louis said, sounding alarmed as he moved closer to him, his arm coming around to hold Harry. Harry couldn’t help but let himself go pliant as soon as he felt Louis’ touch. It was familiar and nice and Louis was his best mate. Plus, maybe he shouldn’t be screaming in the library about this because everyone would hear. “What happened? Will you tell me? Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Please,” Harry nodded. “I don’t want to be here.”

Louis didn’t say anything more, instead, reached for Harry’s hand and led him out of the library and toward his car outside. It was only until he was sat inside that Harry realized -- Louis didn’t even say goodbye to Chloe.

**…**

“His condom got stuck in your _bum_?” Louis practically yelled. “Are you joking? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not joking,” Harry shook his head sadly. “He didn’t properly put it on himself and he put his dick inside of me pretty quick -- which fucking _hurt_ , by the way -- and he came in like under two minutes, I swear to God. And then he pulled out really quick, too. That’s when I noticed it was gone.”

Louis’ eyes were wide, his expression a mix between angry and bewildered, as he stared at Harry. “I always knew Shawn was a tosser,” he said finally. “But I didn’t realize he was that fucking incompetent.”

For some reason, that brought out a laugh from Harry. His heart felt lighter than it had in the past twelve hours -- maybe even days -- since he hadn’t felt all that good knowing Chloe and Louis were sleeping together. Louis started laughing, too, after Harry. The two of them were sat in a parking lot of a playground and eating bags of crisps that Louis brought for Harry because they were Harry’s comfort food.

“I didn’t either,” Harry said. “I couldn’t believe it, to be honest. I tried for a full hour to get the condom out, but it was too hard to see or do. So, then I ended up going to the emergency room at the hospital. You should have seen the lock on the doctor’s face when he finally came to check up on me.”

“You have to reenact it for me,” Louis insisted. “I’ll be the doctor.”

“Absolutely not,” Harry shook his head, swatting at Louis, embarrassingly so. “It was humiliating, so let’s keep it at that. He took it out himself with some gloves and afterwards, I was sent home.”

“Did you do a test to see if you were clean and all?” Louis asked. “If it was stuck in there, then…”

“Yeah, I did,” Harry nodded. “They cleaned me up and checked. It’s all good, thank, God.”

Louis sighed in agreement before fixing Harry with a curious expression. “Why didn’t you call me? You know I would have come to you in a heartbeat.”

Harry could tell Louis that he _did_ try to contact Louis, but found that he was rather occupied.  It just didn’t feel right to bring it up like that, though. He’d make Louis feel guilty when he really didn’t deserve to be. Louis liked Chloe, obviously, and if things were going good, then Harry should be supportive -- even if did hurt himself in the process.

“It’s fine,” Harry told him, instead. “I was in a rush to get it out and didn’t want to go looking for you in the crowd. I got Niall to take me. Don’t worry about it, yeah?”

“You shouldn't either,” Louis said. “Fuck Shawn or anybody else that doesn’t treat you right. That was your first time and he should have been much nicer and safer about it. I’m so sorry, Harry.”

“It’s fine,” Harry repeated, feeling stunned by Louis’ outburst. “Not your fault.”

Louis groaned out in frustration. “Can’t wait to get out of here with you. This place is so -- it’s so small compared to the world. You remember when we used to play with the globe, right?”

Harry nodded with a soft smile because how could he forget? That was one of his favorite memories with Louis.  

“There are so many places on that globe and we’re in a tiny little spot on it. All these people won’t matter -- none of it will because we’re dreaming of bigger things. America, yeah? You and me.”

Louis’ smile was so sincere and made Harry warm up all the way to his toes. It felt like home when he looked at Louis. “You and me.”

**…**

Harry stared at the letter on the table in front of him. He’d been staring at it for the past ten minutes, studying the Boston College emblem printed on the top corner. He stared at his name that was printed with a stamp in the middle and even the stamp in the corner.

What he couldn’t find it in him to do was actually open it.

Harry was nervous, which was expected, considering this letter could either make or break the next four years of his life as well as his dreams that he’d shared with Louis since they were little kids. It was really fucking _scary_.

Eventually, Harry picked up the envelope with shaking hands, ripping off the seal and sliding the letter out. He took a deep breath, said a quick prayer and opened the letter, his eyes skimming over the words.

He didn’t get in.

**…**

Harry was sat in the tea shop when Louis ran in with a worn envelope in his hand.

“Hi, hi,” Louis rushed, sitting down on the seat opposite Harry. “Sorry, I’m late. I -- I’ve got news.” He held up the envelope in front of his face with the Harvard emblem printed on the top corner, smiling so happily, Harry couldn’t help but smile back even though that’s something he hadn’t done in the past twenty four hours since he found out about his own rejection.

He’d cried, mostly. Cried into his pillow and then in his mum’s arms as she cooed to him about how he was worth more than this rejection and how he could try again elsewhere. Harry couldn’t stop his tears, though, because he was so set on Boston College. He wanted to go there more than anything and that was why he’d only sent in an application to them. He didn’t think he’d need a backup school or any school other than that one because truth be told, all he wanted was to be near Louis. This was their dream and Harry couldn’t even pull through. He couldn’t get in and now he didn’t know what he’d do if Louis got in and left Harry behind.

That thought alone was enough to break his heart and in a way he couldn’t quite explain even to himself.

“I’ve got some news, too, Lou,” Harry said, trying to gather up the courage. Louis had called him earlier that day to meet at the coffee shop and Harry decided he couldn’t hold off on not telling Louis about the letter. It was going to have to come out sooner or later.

Louis didn’t give him a chance to continue and handed Harry the letter. “Read it,” he said, his teeth biting into his lower lip.

Harry took the envelope from him, taking out the letter and unfolding it to read. “Scholarship to Harvard,” he breathed out, his eyes scanning over the words as Louis bounced up and down on his seat in excitement. Harry smiled warmly at Louis, feeling genuinely happy and proud for him. “Lou, this is so great. Congratulations.”

“Isn’t it unbelievable?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. “Mum’s ecstatic and I just -- I can’t believe it. What about you? Have you heard back from Boston College yet?”

The words felt like they were lodged in Harry’s throat, pushing itself down and not wanting to come out, no matter how much Harry knew they should. He thought back to what his mum was saying about trying again and maybe looking into other colleges. He did have options -- he had tons of them. He just had to sit down and think now that he was done mourning the news. Louis was going to Harvard -- no doubt about it -- and Harry wanted to go with him. He didn’t want to let Louis down.

“N -- no,” Harry shook his head. “Not yet.”

Louis’ brows furrowed. “Oh, well, I’m sure it’s on its way. You’ll definitely get in, H.”

Harry laughed nervously, looking down at Louis’ acceptance letter again. “Um -- have you spoken to Chloe about this? What does she think?”

Louis shrugged, like it wasn’t something he’d given any thought. “Haven’t told her yet. She’ll be fine, though. I think it’s just the sex for her. She’s got this thing for my hair, you know? She yanks it and she makes this weird face during sex.”

“Oh my god,” Harry breathed out, his laughs bubbling out of him, as Louis imitated her. “God, Lou. You’re awful.” Louis didn’t seem the least bit ashamed, grinning at Harry. “Well, don’t you care what she thinks about all this? Harvard is halfway across the world, Lou.”

Louis frowned in confusion. “What -- what’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on. I’m just ask --.”

“You’re defending Chloe,” Louis said. “You don’t -- that’s not -- like. Listen...forget all that. We’re on our way to Boston. Our dreams are finally coming true.”

Harry smiled, biting his bottom lip as he tried to muster up a smile. “It’s great, honestly. I’m happy for you.”

“Well, you’re coming with,” Louis reminded him as if Harry forgot. “I booked a flight that leaves in three days because they want me to do orientation early for my program. And it’s actually not bad. I can go there, get settled in and all that so I know where all the fun places are. And then in the meantime, you can book your ticket while your letter gets here, yeah?”

Harry nodded, trying to look his best like he was agreeing. “Sure, yeah. Just gotta...sort things out here, but I’ll be there.”

**…**

“Listen and watch the safety videos on the flight,” Harry said to Louis as the two of them walked through the airport towards security. “Don’t ignore it by listening to your iPod through the whole thing.”

“Harry --.”

“And then once you get there, try to make some friends that you can walk with at night if you’re out because I’ve read some crime stories on the news for Boston and it’s not all that safe.”

“Harry, will you just --.”

“And remember to eat well, Lou. You always forget meals, it worries me. You can’t do that over there -- I want you to have three square meals a day, no buts.”

“Harry,” Louis said firmly, standing in front of him to prevent him from walking further or talking. “It’ll be fine, alright. I’ll be okay. I -- I can delay it a bit if you want? I can wait until you --.”

“No,” Harry quickly said, shaking his head. “Don’t -- don’t delay it. You’re getting on that plane, okay?”

The past three days had passed by in a blur when in actuality, Harry needed it to slow down. They were spent helping Louis get ready to move abroad and accepting that he wasn’t going with him. Harry could already feel the miles growing between them more and more each day and Louis hadn’t even moved yet. On the morning of the flight, Harry woke up from a fitful night of sleep, and thought about how in just a few short hours, there would be an ocean setting the two of them apart when for the past thirteen years, they’d been attached at the hip. Harry had expected it to hurt, but all he felt was numb.

Louis smiled at Harry, putting down his duffle bag and pulling something out of his pocket. “Hey, close your eyes.”

“What?” Harry asked, puzzled.

“Just close it for a second, okay? And give me your finger. Hold it up and point it towards me.” Harry did as told and waited, feeling a small ball spin on the front of his pointer finger. “Okay, now open it.”

Harry opened his eyes slowly, looking down at Louis’ tiny globe keychain which Louis had placed on Harry’s finger, and watched him expectantly. Harry smiled softly as he looked down.

“North America,” he said, looking up to meet Louis’ knowing smile with one of his own. Harry took the keychain from Louis, tangling their fingers together and holding on tight, wanting to hold him one last time before he left. When his green eyes locked with Louis’ blue ones, he realized it wasn’t as close as he’d like to be. Harry lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Louis and hugging him as tight as he possibly could.

Harry had promised himself that he wasn’t going to cry, but as he drew back at arm's length from the hug, he felt his eyes watering when Louis wouldn’t let him go. He held onto him and rested their foreheads against one another, his eyes closed. Their faces were inches apart, hovering close to something that felt like a kiss, but not quite getting there yet. Harry felt the urge to close the distance almost, but held himself back, wondering if it was pushing the line. It just felt strange to him because he’d never thought he’d have to say goodbye to Louis. He’d always thought they’d take on every chapter of their life together in some way, but now that they were saying goodbye, he couldn’t help but want Louis in an unfamiliar way that he couldn’t quite place.

His hands caressed Louis’ cheek instead, studying his soft features one last time. His long lashes and his thin, pink lips. When Louis finally opened his eyes, he looked pained, and Harry didn’t know if it was because of their almost kiss or if it was catching up to him that this might be the last time they saw each other in a while.

“Keep in touch, okay?” Harry asked, giving Louis a small smile, the two of them untangling from each other reluctantly.

Louis nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay.” He started walking backwards, smiling at Harry, but it wasn’t reaching his eyes. “I’ll see you soon. More than soon.”

Harry nodded, feeling his eyes welling up even more, and waving, watching Louis do the same before turning around and finally going through security. The further he walked, the more Harry felt like a heavyweight was settling in his chest where his heart should be. He looked down at the keychain that Louis left behind to him and slowly turned around, walking towards the exit.

**// present day //**

Sometimes when Harry felt like being coddled and he wasn’t being given the attention he needed from Niall and Zayn, he turned to his parents -- Liam and Sophia. He was invited over for dinner with them the following night and showed up at their flat for dinner with a bottle of wine because he wasn’t raised to be a rude guest, and joined the pair.

“This is so great, Soph,” Harry said, spreading the gravy from the steak into his mashed potatoes. “All I’ve come home to this week has been takeaway or Ramen because Niall can’t cook much else.”

“Yeah, but you cook, don’t you?” she asked.

“I do, yeah. It’s just that I’ve been busy at work and my mind has been sort of all over the place lately.”

Liam, bless him, looked concerned as he always did for Harry. “Why’s that? Everything alright?”

“It’s fine,” Harry shrugged, nervously toying with his food. “It’s just -- have you heard from Louis?”

“Louis?” Liam frowned, probably confused just like everyone else as to why Harry would bring him up after all this time. “Our Louis?”

“Yes, our Louis.”

“Um, well, yeah,” Liam replied. “You know we talk…”

“He’s getting married,” Harry blurted out.

Liam widened his eyes. “Who told you?”

“I saw Niall’s invitation.”

“Harry…,” Liam whispered softly. He looked lost and a little apprehensive while Sophia watched the two curiously. She knew all about it even though she hadn’t gone to school with them. Give Harry a couple of glasses of wine and he starts whining off about Louis, the one that got away, to everyone who would listen. “It’s been years…”

“I know that,” Harry said, his voice a lot louder than he’d intended it to be, only because he was so tired of hearing that from everyone. “I know, okay? I just -- he didn’t tell me, you know? He didn’t call me, let alone send an invitation. And _I_ was his best mate for most of his life, but he didn’t think it was important to tell _me_.”

The couple grew even quieter after Harry’s outburst until Harry heard Liam whisper something under his breath.

“What was that?” he asked.

“I said that that’s not true,” Liam sighed, meeting Harry’s eyes. “Louis wanted to reach out to you a few times a few weeks ago, but he ended up not doing so.”

“Wha -- what? What do you mean?” Harry asked, putting down his fork and leaning in closer to Liam.

Liam looked conflicted, as though he wanted to console Harry, but knew he shouldn’t be telling him this stuff. Their friends had gotten stuck between the once best friends and probably didn’t want to go through that again. Harry sympathized because back then no one really knew how to look at Harry without Louis or Louis without Harry, but over the years, he guessed it was now the opposite.

Louis had been moving on and growing up without Harry for a long time now and Harry felt exactly like he had the day he took Louis to the airport.

Empty.

And it hurt, to be completely frank. Harry had always thought that he and Louis were going to be a package deal all their lives, but the minute Louis got on that plane, he was growing further and further away every day. There were nights where Harry stayed up and wondered what would have happened if he’d just been honest with Louis about getting that rejection letter -- if he’d been honest about his feelings. Would Louis have understood? Would things be different now?

All their friends might be questioning Harry’s motives since it had been eight years since everything had happened, but they didn’t know where Harry’s feelings lied. He never opened up to them nor told them how he truly felt -- didn’t tell them that he missed Louis every single day for the past eight years. He was rather good at keeping his feelings bottled up and this was the result.

“Liam,” Harry urged. “ _Please._ ”

Liam sighed again, running a hand through his short hair. “Alright, but this didn’t come from me, okay?”

Harry nodded eagerly, just wanting Liam to spit it out already.

“I was having drinks with Louis a few nights before the invitations were sent out. Louis had only proposed to Chloe about two weeks before and she insisted the wedding be right away, which was really stressing Louis out.

“He was second guessing himself?” Harry couldn’t help but ask.

Liam nodded in response. “They bumped into each other in town after Louis moved back and began dating. It was only half a year later when Chloe began dropping hints about wanting to settle down, so he did. Then Louis mentioned to me how he wanted to call you a few times...he heard you lived in London and wanted to reach out, but just chickened out.”

“Why?” Harry stressed, feeling himself start to pout. “I -- Liam, I want to talk to him.”

“What will you say?” Liam asked.

“That he can still talk to me whenever he wants,” Harry answered. “That if he’s stressed out, then he can call me and that he doesn’t have to get married to Chloe if he doesn’t want to.”

Harry froze as soon as he said the last part, realizing the extent of the statement, and wondered if he even meant it. He was never really a big fan of Chloe, granted it was mostly based on jealousy, so it wasn’t surprising, but _still_.

“Harry,” Liam warned. “They’re getting married in a week.”

“Yeah,” Sophia agreed, speaking up for the first time since the topic came about. “Think rationally about what you’re feeling and what you want to do.”

Oh, Harry knew exactly what he was feeling and what he wanted to do.

He was going to crash this wedding and stop Louis before he made the biggest mistake of his life.

**// eight years ago //**

“Dare me to do fifteen cartwheels in a row right now,” Niall said, looking at Harry with his best “bring it on” face.

Harry laughed at him, rolling his eyes fondly. He’d missed Niall since he left for London University in September. Now Harry had no one who would bum lunch money off of him or cuddle him during scary movie marathons. The wanker was back in town for hols, though, so they decided to go spend the day at the beach, even if it was cold out. “Fine, I dare you.”

Niall stood up, walking over onto the middle of the sand in front of them and started to do a few cartwheels until he fell on the seventh try. “Do over,” he said before Harry could call him a loser.

“Alright, but you’re going to fall again,” Harry said, with a knowing smile.

“You have absolutely no faith in me,” Niall muttered as he tried for the cartwheels again.

Harry chuckled softly, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out and smiled when he saw a text from Louis.

_had a weird dream again...i dreamt i was an arrow like the metal bit at the tip and i was just whizzing through the air._

_LOL what did it feel like?_

_weird…_

_Oh, Lou hahaha. Don’t worry about it, though, you always have weird dreams._

_yeah, i suppose. i miss you harry...please come visit, okay?_

It wouldn’t be the first time that Louis’d asked Harry to come to Boston for a visit. After Louis had left, Harry tried to busy himself because moping around the house was just not doable anymore. He got a job at the bakery while also applying to a few more colleges. He found some other ones around Boston and after visiting Niall at London University, he decided to give that a shot as well because it was a beautiful campus and he really liked the vibe there. Once acceptance letters started coming in, Harry knew he had some decisions to make because for the first time, he allowed himself to have options, even if it wasn’t something he’d always dreamed of.

Meanwhile, he had somehow given Louis every excuse in the book as to why he hadn’t come to Boston until the message was clear and simple. At first it was easy because when Louis had gone, he was always busy and had so much to do to settle down, that the topic barely came up before Harry was rushing to hang up. And then after that, it got harder, but once August rolled around and classes were beginning, he figured Louis had understood as much. They spoke via text throughout the day and then on Skype once a week and it was always about the most mundane things as though it were just another day of them hanging out when they still lived two blocks away from one another and not an ocean apart. Harry was thankful it was still like that and Louis hadn’t explicitly asked him because he still felt guilty about the whole thing.

But now he had a whole month ahead of him, before Spring term began in universities, to make a decision that could impact how everything for the next four years would play out. And maybe a trip to Boston wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He could visit some of the other universities he applied to and see how he liked Boston. Though, to be quite fair, seeing Louis was the main selling point.

“Aha,” Niall cried out loud, his arms and legs spread wide as he stood in front of Harry. “I did it.”

Harry hummed contemplatively. “No, I don’t think so.”

“What the fuck? Why not?”

“Because I didn’t see it.”

“Mother fucker,” Niall mumbled before starting over.

**…**

Harry went home that night and booked a plane ticket to Boston with the money he saved from working at the bakery.

When he called and told Louis, the two of them screamed on the phone for five full minutes before Harry’s mum barged in and told them both to shut the hell up. After that, they just giggled into the phone like they were nine years old again and hiding under their blanket fort or trying to be sneaky and not get caught by their teacher whilst passing secrets.

**…**

Harry was nervous as he walked past the baggage claim in Logan International Airport. He felt stupid about it, too, because this was _Louis_. Louis -- the kid who used to fart in Harry’s bed whenever Harry’s mum made beans for dinner. Louis -- the boy who saw Harry throw up every single time they’d gotten drunk together. There really was nothing to be embarrassed or nervous about, but Harry couldn’t help it. His stomach was fluttering with butterflies at the prospect of seeing the other boy after so long and not really knowing what to expect.

When he walked out through the exit doors to the waiting area, he saw Louis, and it was like the light just focused on him. Louis had an actual bouquet of flowers, and Harry got a weird vision right out of a romcom. But — he could do it. He could just walk right up to Louis, drop his bags, and kiss him right in the middle of this airport. He _wanted_ to do that, wanted to kiss Louis after not seeing him for ages; he’d probably wanted to kiss him for ages, and that was the thing, wasn't it? That was why he hated Chloe, that was why he hated being away from Louis, hated the idea of Louis replacing him.

Harry was in love with him.

Harry squealed in delight rather embarrassingly, at not only the revelation, but also from seeing his boy. Dropping his bags on the floor, he ran into Louis’ outstretched arms, hugging him tightly.

Louis laughed, arms coming around to hold Harry, practically lifting him off the ground. “Shit, you’re here. You’re actually here.”

“I’m here,” Harry nodded, his laugh coming out a bit watery. Fuck, he’d missed him so much. It felt like a part of him was complete as soon as he ran into Louis’ arms. When the two pulled back, Harry was able to get a better look at the other boy. His hair was a bit shorter, a lot more styled, and Harry sort of wanted to run his fingers through it and mess it up.

“So,” Louis said with a mischievous smile. “Tired? Hungry?”

“No,” Harry shook his head, giving him a similar smile back. “Why?”

**…**

Louis took him to a college party because _of course_ he would.

It was on a rooftop of some swanky apartment that belonged to a couple of rich kids and there was even a bloody pool in the middle. The place was packed with drunk college kids, dancing to T-Pain and Harry hadn’t felt this good in a long time. The pair of them had a few drinks since arriving and were tearing up the dance floor with their living room routine until one of Louis’ mates approached them.

Harry couldn’t quite remember his name, but it might have been Adam or summat. He whispered something in Louis’ ear that Harry couldn’t hear, but it made him feel a flash of jealousy, seeing the two of them that close. It might just be seeing Louis interacting so comfortably with people that Harry didn’t know, but Harry didn’t want him paying attention to any other guy other than him right now, but then another guy approached them.

“No, no, absolutely not,” Louis kept saying to them, shaking his head, despite the smile on his face. That was when Harry understood what that was all about -- the two guys wanted to throw Louis into the pool. It seemed Louis’ efforts to avoid it were futile and he ended up being hauled into it, anyway.

Harry laughed, walking up to the edge and smiling down at Louis. His beautifully styled hair was all matted down and his tan skin glistening with water droplets. “You gonna give me a hand or what?” Louis asked while swimming up to him and pushing his hair back and away from his face.

“Unbelievable,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head, as he reached his arm out.

Louis gave him a teasing smile and then grabbed Harry’s hand, pulling him into the pool with him. Harry screamed bloody murder as he hit the water, people cheering in excitement around them as the two of them resurfaced. Louis was already begging mercy when he saw the life threatening glare in Harry’s eyes being trained on him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he laughed, putting his hands up in form of defense.

“I’m still going to kill you,” Harry said, despite laughing. He looked down at his white t-shirt and felt it weighing him down uncomfortably along with his skin tight, blue jeans and boots. He tugged the shirt off, balling it up in his fists, and looked back up to find Louis looking at him with wide, dazed, and darkened eyes.

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis said, laughing nervously, as his eyes raked over Harry’s bare, wet torso. “Have you been working out?”

His question and reaction ignited something in Harry, making him feel smug and confident, more sure of himself as he fixed Louis with a devilish smile and launched himself at him. The two of them wrestled in the water, laughing and screaming, as one tried to one up the other.

**…**

Once they realized that they were bored of the party, Louis took Harry out to some of his favorite spots in Boston. The two of them roamed the streets, taking silly pictures everywhere they stopped, and Harry couldn’t think back to a time in the past few months when his stomach hurt from laughing as much as it was then. Louis had always just been the funniest person he’d ever known. If Harry had to choose one person to be with for the rest of his life, he’d choose Louis in a heartbeat because no one Earth could make him laugh like him.

For breakfast when they got hungry, they went to a twenty four hour Chinese restaurant that Louis frequented at least once a week, and then took a walk to a nearby park, exhaustion finally catching up to them, but neither quite wanting the day _or_ night to end.

Louis lied back down on the lush, green grass and Harry snuggled up with his head on Louis’ stomach. “It’s strange,” he said after a while, looking around the park and the city around them.

“What is?” Louis hummed.

“That I could have moved here with you -- been living here with you.”

“Why didn’t you then?” Louis asked, sitting up on his elbows to look at Harry. His tone was somber, almost pleading because he probably had been holding back on asking this for ages. Harry turned his body around, lying on his stomach, and looking Louis right in the eyes because he deserved that. He finally deserved some honest answers. Their faces were inches apart, the sun shining a glow over their features as it was slowly coming up. Louis’ eyes were searching Harry’s, looking almost hurt, and Harry hated it. “Why did you not come here for good? You told me you would -- I waited, you know that? I kept waiting and you just never showed. Do you even know how much I missed you?”

“I miss you, too,” Harry insisted, his voice breaking. “Louis, you have no idea. It’s been so weird without you there with me all time. I just didn’t know how to tell you that I got rejected...that I was stupid enough to send only one application out here and hope it would work out.”

“I would have understood, though. I would have tried to help you.”

Harry shrugged, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I got embarrassed and didn’t want to take the spotlight off of you. You got a scholarship to Harvard and I wanted you to have that moment be all about you. And I was hoping that I could somehow figure it all out, but that ended up taking a lot longer than I anticipated.”

Louis nodded in understanding, his eyes the warmest shade of blue, because there really wasn’t much more to say. “So, what now?”

“I gave in a few applications to universities since then. Here and in London, too, because they’ve got great programs there as well and I don’t know -- I wanted to keep my options open. Both London University and Northeastern accepted me -- those are my top two at the moment and I’ve been trying to decide, really.”

“North America isn't the dream anymore?” Louis asked him, his expression weirdly neutral and calm.

Harry faltered in replying, almost looking ashamed as he couldn’t find it in himself to confirm or deny. “I -- I don’t know. London isn’t so bad, you know? They gave me a scholarship, which I didn’t get for Northeastern. And at first, I thought that not telling you about the rejection was a way to keep the dream alive, but as time went on, I just realized there’s so much more than wanting to up and leave a place, you know? It takes a lot of thinking.”

“You thinking about it now?” Louis asked with a grin. “Do I have to convince you during your visit that Boston’s the place for you?”

“You just might,” Harry giggled.

**...**

When the pair eventually made their way back to Louis’ apartment in early afternoon, they were greeted by someone who wasn’t there yesterday.

“You’re rather late,” the guy commented, standing at the kitchen island, drinking from a coffee mug with the initial N written on it.

Harry frowned, walking further into the kitchen, and following Louis. He wasn’t liking the looks of this guy. He was tall -- almost as tall as Harry -- and skinny with a dark quiff and laugh lines across his face. Either that or he was fucking ancient. Harry couldn’t tell, but something about him was just not giving him good vibes. Louis, on the other hand, didn’t seem phased by him being there unannounced or uninvited, which made something stir in Harry’s stomach.

“We were just hanging out,” Louis responded, putting his stuff down on the counter. “Didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Popped in last night. Thought we could hang and ended up falling asleep here waiting for you.”

The air suddenly felt super thick and Harry wasn’t sure why. It must have been something this guy had just said because while he looked smug, Louis didn’t look the least bit amused. Harry wasn’t sure what to do. Did he swoop in and defend Louis despite not knowing what they were talking about or did he stay back and mind his own business? But then the guy spoke up before Harry could do anything.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us, Louis?” he asked. “Don’t be rude.”

Louis rolled his eyes in response. He was so not amused by him. “Harry, this is Nick. Nick, this is Harry, my best mate from home.”

“Ah, so _this_ is Harry,” Nick said, but not in a way that would make one feel comfortable or welcomed. It only made Harry more suspicious of his motives. Who the fuck was this guy and why did he have access to Louis’ flat? Why did he talk like he knew something that you didn’t -- all mysterious, but in an annoying way? “I’ve heard so much about you, you know? Louis is always talking about all the things you did together back when he still lived in England. _Harry this, Harry that_.”

Harry chuckled softly, looking over at Louis with fond eyes, which were returned if only slightly nervously. “That’s nice,” he replied. “Funny, though, because I haven’t heard a thing about you.”

That seemed to have struck a chord with Nick because he glared in response, but Louis, bless him, looked amused, stifling a laugh with crinkled eyes. Nick recovered quickly, though, going back to his coffee. “Anyway, just came by to give you some of your clothes back. You left them at my place from last time. Oh, and we’re going out tonight with the others. I’ll pick you up at nine. And you, too.” He addressed the last part to Harry, but Harry was still stuck on what Nick had just said about Louis forgetting things at Nick’s place.

Were they -- were they _involved_? Was Louis in a relationship with this guy? What the fuck was going on? Louis hadn’t mentioned a single word about Nick to Harry -- not once during their text or Skype conversations. Not even when Harry landed in Boston and the pair of them frollicked all over the city. If what Harry was thinking was true, then why wouldn’t Louis tell him? Why did it feel like someone was sucking the oxygen straight out of his body to the point where he couldn’t breathe?

Nick saw himself out, giving the two of them a two fingered salute, and leaving the mug on the counter. As soon as he left, Louis wordlessly picked up the mug and dumped it under the sink, grabbing the soap to start rinsing it out. Harry stood there quietly as well, waiting for Louis to just come out and say it. When he didn’t, Harry felt himself growing more annoyed, his patience winding thin.

“Well?” he finally asked, crossing his arms, feeling petulant. “You going to tell me who that was?”

Louis shrugged coolly. “I told you. It was Nick.”

“Yeah, I got that part. But who is he? You haven’t mentioned a single thing to me about him and he seems to be pretty important, Lou.”

“He isn’t,” Louis said, whirling around to finally look at Harry. “He’s not that important.”

“Why were your clothes at his house?”

Louis looked pained, like he didn’t want to quite answer, but knew he had to because there was no way to avoid it. Harry waited with bated breath, hoping and praying it wasn’t what he was thinking, but knew that his wishing was pointless.

“We sleep together sometimes,” Louis said, his voice barely audible in the otherwise quiet room.

“You sleep together sometimes,” Harry repeated, his heart sinking to his stomach.

“Like once in awhile. It’s honestly not a big deal. We’re just in the same friend group and one night we got a bit too drunk. Then one thing led to another and now it happens from time to time.”

It seemed Harry couldn’t mask the hurt across his face because Louis started looking upset as well. Harry wasn’t sure what was getting to him more -- the fact that Louis didn’t tell him or that he even found out because this entire trip, he’d been so sure there was _something_. He could feel it every time they looked at each other because their gazes locked a little longer than necessary, intense and full of meaning, and Harry had been stupidly _hopeful_. There was always a part of him that knew deep down that it was always going to be him and Louis in the end, but that wasn’t going to be the case if Louis was fucking _grandpa_ over here.

“You going to tell me what the big deal is?” Louis asked, breaking the silence. “Because I’m confused -- I -- I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know, Lou,” Harry shook his head, feeling agitated as he walked further towards him.

“Don’t know what?”

“What? You want me to spell it out for you?”

“That would help, Harry, considering I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about right now.”

“I’m jealous, okay?” Harry shouted, his cheeks flushing instantly. “I’m jealous of _Nick_.” He said his name with such a look of disdain and it was kind of funny since he only just met the guy. “It was bad enough how much I was fucked up over you and Chloe, but I don’t know if I can do it this time. I come here thinking that maybe, just maybe, something would happen. It was probably silly of me -- all this wishful thinking and mindless dreaming. But I still hoped until we got here and that guy is hanging out in your kitchen and he apparently slept over, too.”

Louis was gaping at him, his jaw practically hanging on the floor, and Harry was starting to get worried that he was broken or something.

“Lou…”

“You’re jealous?” Louis asked with a gulp.

Harry nodded his head slowly, feeling vulnerable and stupid.

“Why on earth would you be jealous?”

Harry laughed humorlessly, feeling his defenses being slowly ripped off of him. “You can’t be that thick. You had to have known that I’ve always been sort of, kind of, completely in love with you all these years.”

Louis stared at Harry for another long moment just gaping before finally closing the gap between them and backing Harry up against the wall behind him. He was breathing heavily, staring into Harry’s green eyes with his blue ones and then kissed Harry into oblivion. The first one was chaste, innocent and soft, but the second one turned filthy within moments, their mouths parting to allow for their tongues to slide out and meet. Louis’ hands grappled at Harry, tangling his hair, while Harry gripped onto Louis’ waist, their kisses wet and sloppy and so _good_.

It should have felt surreal, kissing Louis like this after all these years, but it felt _right_. There were no strange second thoughts or guessing, this was where they were supposed to be. It had to be because Harry hadn’t felt completely himself since Louis left and they weren’t supposed to meet till so much later, but Harry took that spontaneous decision of buying a ticket and here he was -- in Louis’ arms.

When Louis slotted his thighs between Harry’s legs, Harry let out a soft gasp against his mouth, drawing back from their kiss slowly to open his eyes. He was met with Louis’ fiery blue ones, which were darkened and dazed, the same way it had been when Harry took his shirt off in the pool the night before. They were panting, arms still wrapped around one another, and leaning their torsos back to look at each other while their hips rolled together in soft movements.

Harry trailed his hand slowly down Louis’ back, placing it over his bum, and watching the way his eyes fluttered at the touch. It was enough to have him leaning forward to kiss Louis again, but Louis leaned further back, stopping him. Harry looked at him, confused and a little alarmed that he’d done the wrong thing.

“Are you, um, sure?” Louis asked him, licking his already wet, pink lips.

Harry nodded his head one too many times, just wanting to kiss Louis again. His lips were soft and sweet, slotting so perfectly against Harry’s that he felt addicted to it. How had he known Louis for all these years and not been doing this exact thing? It was time wasted, but Harry was intent on making up for it, moving Louis back and toward his bedroom. Louis followed easily, hands tangled up in Harry’s hair again, gripping on to it every time Harry nipped on his lower lip with teeth.

Once they made it into the bedroom, it was Louis who backed Harry down on the bed and crawled up his body, sitting down over his hips. Their kisses didn’t waver, both of them content to do it as long as they could, until their lips were numb and tingly and they couldn’t breathe. They only parted when Harry started tugging on Louis’ shirt, silently asking him to take it off, which he did, but only after Harry took his off, too.

“God,” Louis mumbled, eyes trailing down Harry’s long torso. His hand was skimming over Harry’s skin, pressing down on his nipples and making the other boy shudder in pleasure. When Louis leaned down, Harry thought he was going in for a kiss again, but Louis slid lower, lips wrapping around one of Harry’s already tightened nipples.

“ _Fuck, Lou_ \--.”

Harry squirmed underneath him, panting and letting out soft moans, his eyes shut in pleasure. It only increased when Louis’ other hand came up to pinch Harry’s other nipple, rolling the nub between his fingers.

“Lou -- Lou, I need to --,” he mumbled, eyes opening to look down at Louis. Louis lifted his head up, matching Harry’s gaze, his fingers still playing with his body. “Can I take off my jeans?”

Louis grinned in realization, biting down on his lip before rolling his hips down over Harry’s obvious stiffy. It felt torturous how _hard_ he was in such tight pants. He could feel himself leaking, too, precome most likely staining his boxer briefs. Louis finally let up and pulled off Harry’s belt, helping him out of his jeans. Once they both tugged it off, Harry pulled at Louis’ jeans, too. If they were going to do this, he wanted it to be all the way. Louis obliged, lying on his back beside Harry, pulling his jeans off and discarding it over Harry’s by the rug on the floor.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Harry lunged at Louis, trapping him underneath and kissing him again. Louis easily opened his mouth, sucking Harry’s tongue in, while the two of them writhed and rocked their bare, leaking cocks against one another. Even with their clothes off and the cold weather outside, it felt unbearably hot. Their body heats intermingled, making Harry dizzy with it and how much he wanted Louis even closer in his lust hazed mind.

Harry could feel Louis’ hands wandering, not being able to stop touching Harry, and it made him want to give every inch of himself over to him. He’d always been Louis’ in every possible way. It just took him some time to realize that. Harry broke the kiss, trailing some up to Louis’ cheekbones, and sucking on his ear lobe. When Harry felt Louis’ palm flatten against his bum, he sucked in his breath, hiding his face in the crook of Louis’ neck while pushing up on his hand.

Louis squeezed Harry’s flesh at his reaction, smoothing it out after, chuckling in amusement. “You want?” he asked.

Harry whimpered into his neck, kissing his skin soft and wet. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Want you to mark me up and make me yours. Fuck me so hard I won’t see or think straight.”

“Harry, fuck,” Louis moaned out, rocking against Harry again.

Their lips met again, messy and desperate, Louis rolling the two of them over so Harry was underneath him again. “Wait here,” Louis said, breaking the kiss and getting off the bed. Harry watched him with a dopey grin, excited about what was about to happen -- finally. When Louis came back, he had a bottle of lube and condom on him. Harry pushed backwards on the bed, resting his head over a pillow while flattening his feet and spreading his legs. Louis sat between them, uncapping the bottle of lube, and spreading some over three of his fingers.

Harry expected him to just get to it, ready to feel the stretch and burn of Louis’ fingers, but that didn’t happen. Instead, Louis locked eyes with him and bent his head down to suck the head of Harry’s cock into his mouth, making him flutter his eyes shut, and moan out lowly. It was an easy and nice distraction for when Louis finally started to press a finger past Harry’s rim.

The whole experience was a strange one, at least for Harry. He hadn’t had sex with anyone since Shawn mostly because the whole experience was such a bad one. It hurt more than anything, making Harry wince every time he was reminded of it, and Harry didn’t even come. All he got out of it was a used condom stuck in his bum that he had to get rid of by a bloody doctor.

With Louis, it was miles different, and _so fucking good_. Louis took care of Harry, going slow as he stretched Harry open, while making sure he was still feeling good. The slight burn from his fingers was overshadowed by his lips on Harry’s cock, taking it in his mouth and sucking on it like his life depended on it. Harry didn’t think it could get any better until Louis pressed down on a particular spot inside of him, making him moan louder than he had this entire time.

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ ,” Harry gasped, writhing underneath Louis, his hair matted down on his face from sweat. “Louis. Need you _now_ \-- right there.”

“Lemme open you up some more, love,” Louis cooed, taking Harry out of his mouth, only to latch his lips onto the soft, milky skin of his inner thigh.

Harry clutched on to the sheets under him, feeling overwhelmed with how much Louis was there, all over him. His fingers were scissoring inside while his lips were sucking bruises across his skin and Harry still wanted more. He didn’t think he could want someone this much, but his sensories were on overload with Louis, heart beating erratically against his chest.

Three fingers deep, Louis finally took his fingers out, content with the amount of bruises he’d left on Harry’s legs and hips. Harry watched with hooded eyes as Louis took out the condom from the packet, rolling it on himself easily and lubing himself up. It made him feel a little jealous thinking about how Louis was able to open the condom at ease since he’d had sex a few times -- boys and girls alike. It was hardly the time to be thinking about Louis’ past conquests, but Harry had always been possessive.

Louis lined himself up, looking at Harry carefully, as though he was making sure he was okay. “Do you want me to open you up some more?” he asked cautiously. “I could do that. We can go a bit slower.”

“Lou,” Harry smiled, pulling him down by his neck so that their faces were close. “I’m fine. I’ve been ready since five minutes ago. Please get inside of me now.”

“Always so polite,” Louis teased, grinning as he kissed Harry. Harry kissed back eagerly, feeling the brunt of Louis’ tip slowly easing inside of him. It wasn’t terrible, just slightly weird and invasive, but Harry wanted it so bad. He wanted Louis everywhere around him, taking him as he pleased and to just consume him. Louis went slow, though, going in bit by bit until he bottomed out.

It was Harry who rocked against him first, making Louis groan against his mouth. “Move,” Harry whispered to him. And Louis did, thrusting into Harry, but slowly, in an easy rhythm. It started to feel great after a few minutes and Harry was so hard, leaking between both their bodies, that he just needed more. He wanted to be more for Louis, wanted to be fucked so hard that Louis forgot about Nick and Chloe and anyone else he might have slept with.

“Faster, please,” Harry begged. “Want you so bad. Fuck me harder, Lou.”

Louis’ eyes were so dark and he looked at Harry wildly, like he couldn’t actually believe this was happening and Harry was saying these things to Louis. He followed through, picking up the pace, and fucking into Harry so hard, the bed was shaking beneath them. Easily the best fuck Harry had ever had and he wished so badly that this was his first time rather than with Shawn.

When Louis hit the spot inside of him again, Harry gripped onto Louis’ back hard, leaving long, red welts that were going to probably hurt later. He couldn’t help it, though. He felt so much and all at once, that he lost it as soon as Louis’s hand came in between their bodies to hold Harry’s flushed, hard cock in his hands. Louis only jerked once and Harry came with Louis' name on his tongue, repeating it over and over like a mantra, as though it was all he was able to say and remember.

Louis followed seconds after, panting against Harry’s chest, spilling into the condom. “Jesus,” he mumbled, hands smoothing out across Harry’s skin.

“Same,” Harry giggled. Louis rolled his eyes at him fondly, lifting himself up to slowly pull out and take the condom off. Harry felt empty and sore without him, curling up on his side, and snuggling up with a pillow. Once Louis tossed the condom in the trash and grabbed a wet flannel from the bathroom, he came back and cleaned Harry up thoroughly, making him feel more loved than he thought he could ever feel. When Louis made to get off the bed, Harry grabbed his hand to stop him. “Stay, please. Want you here.”

“I’m here,” Louis smiled. “Was just going to put the flannel away.”

Harry grabbed the flannel from him and tossed it on the floor, probably somewhere beside their clothes, and pulled Louis down until he was lying next to him. Harry swung his leg over Louis, cuddling up to him, and shutting his eyes.

It’d been a long twenty four hours.

**…**

Harry was woken up by a banging sound, his eyes flying open in alarm, and head feeling heavy.

“Shit, sorry,” someone mumbled before the sound of a door closing.

Harry squinted, looking around the room, and trying to open his eyes more, but he was so sleepy that it was hard to. Louis was still beside him, looking just as confused, his arms wrapped around Harry. When Harry met his eyes, he smiled fondly. “Hey, you,” Louis rasped, kissing him on the cheek. “I think we have some visitors.”

“Visitors?” Harry mumbled, rubbing his eye as he looked around the room. It was dark except for the small lamp lit up on the bedside table. They must have slept through the day because it was dark outside the window, but it still didn’t feel enough. Harry was still exhausted from the flight and their night out. Not to mention, Louis tired him out quite a bit, and he felt a pleasant ache in his bones and bum.

“Afraid so,” Louis replied. “Nick just walked in on us. I think he’s here to go out for tonight...and if the noises I’m hearing from the other side are correct, everyone else is here as well.”

It was only then that Harry registered the noise coming from behind the bedroom door. It sounded like a lot of people and that was not what Harry was planning to do tonight. He was hoping they could sleep a little longer and wake up to eat and fuck some more. Maybe Harry could fuck Louis this time. Maybe they could do it all night. So many different options, but this was not the one he wanted, and he was afraid it was the one he’d have to choose because Louis was already getting out of bed.

“Lou,” Harry said quietly, looking at him as he sat up.

Louis was bent down, picking up his clothes and pulling the same jeans on. “What’s up?”

“Can’t we just stay in?” Harry asked.

“We could,” Louis said as he walked to the dresser and opened it up to pull out a black t-shirt. “But everyone’s already here. Plus, it’ll give me a chance to show you some of my favorite bars out here. How am I meant to show you around and make you pick Boston over London if we stay cooped up inside?”

His smile was teasing and it made Harry want to grab him and pull him back to bed all over again. “I’m sure if you fucked me a few more times, I’d be pretty sold.”

“Harry,” Louis groaned out, half desperately and half sternly. “C’mon. It won’t be so bad. I want you to meet everyone. We can continue later tonight.”

“Alright, alright,” Harry mumbled, getting out of bed. He pulled out a pair of clean pants and jeans along with a white t-shirt before putting them on. Louis went out to greet his friends, but Harry stayed back to quickly wash up in the bathroom and make sure he looked presentable. By the time he made it out, he found everyone gathered in the kitchen, taking shots.

Louis spotted him right away and it made Harry smile with butterflies in his stomach until he saw who he was with. Nick was crowded against Louis, whispering something to him, and the only consolation Harry had was that Louis wasn’t paying attention to him. His eyes were trained on Harry, moving past everyone to get to him.

“Hi, come here,” he said softly, leading him further into the room so everyone could greet him. Louis went around introducing Harry to everyone there aside from Nick since they met already. All of them seemed nice so far and Harry liked them a lot better than he liked Nick.

After handing him a shot, they all drank up before heading out, cheering as they went, tipsy from the pregaming. Harry tried to stay close to Louis, but it seemed he was rather popular amongst his American friends. Everyone was trying to get a word in with him, craving his attention, and Harry wasn't used to it. He wasn’t used to Louis giving his attention to anyone but him in situations like this. Back home when they’d go out in big group gatherings, they’d try and be social, but would always get drawn back to the other.

“Enjoying yourself so far?”

Harry turned to see Nick sidling up beside him, hands stuffed in his jeans pocket. “Um, I guess, yeah. Lou showed me around some places yesterday.”

“That’s great. He’s gotten quite accustomed to our city. It took him a while, though.”

“Right.”

“By the way, sorry for barging in like that earlier. Didn’t realize you two would be…” His voice trailed off as though he was expecting Harry to catch on.

Harry blinked, raising his eyebrows, not really sure how to respond. This was a guy that Louis had slept with a few times. Harry didn’t know what would be okay to say. “It’s fine,” was what he settled with. That seemed to appease Nick, his eyes watching Harry thoughtfully, before he walked closer to Louis.

**…**

Turned out, it wasn’t fine.

The entire night was a bust. They arrived at the bar and took the largest booth, but everyone was scattered around doing their own thing, greeting familiar faces and having a good time. Harry, being the newest addition to the group, didn’t really know anyone except for Louis and felt weird and out of place. The bar itself was great, a little less tame than what he was used to back home, but fun. Despite that, how was he meant to have any fun if he was drinking on his own? It would have helped had Louis spent some time with him, but since arriving, he’d always had someone with him whether it be one of his mates, a person he knew that frequented the bar, or a number of guys and girls who found him attractive and wanted to chat.

The last one annoyed Harry more than it should. They hadn’t had a relationship talk as of yet, but with how passionate the whole trip had been, especially this afternoon, Harry had assumed that it sort of went without saying. He spilled his goddamn heart out to Louis and gave himself to him in every way. What was there not to get? To make matters worse, it didn’t help that Nick was always somewhere close to Louis. To anyone who didn’t know them, they’d think the two were orbiting one another, and that only made Harry pout more into his pint. He wished he had Niall, Liam or Zayn to be there with him. He wouldn’t feel so stupid.

Nearly three rounds later, Louis finally walked over to Harry, his cheeks flushed from the drinks and the shots he took with some people by the bar. He slid in beside Harry in the booth, their bodies lined and pressed together. “Hi,” Louis said, leaning in close to Harry. “Sorry, sorry. I got caught up.”

“I noticed,” Harry replied, his tone monotonous and devoid of any emotion. He felt like he had a right to be difficult so he was going to do it.

“I’m here now, though. How’re you? You feeling okay? Did you get anything to drink?”

“Had some beers.”

“It’s great, isn’t it? I feel like the beers here taste different than back home. I’m not sure if it’s stronger or what, but it’s definitely tasty, you know?”

Harry was just about to respond, feeling himself loosen up a bit when Nick appeared behind Louis. “Lou,” he said, making Harry’s nostrils flare. That was Harry’s nickname for Louis. Nick could literally fuck off. “Guess who’s here?”

“Who?” Louis asked, grinning over at him.

“Aiden,” Nick responded. “He just popped in.”

“Aiden,” Louis said happily, already climbing out of the booth. “Fuck, I haven’t seen him in ages.” He quickly turned to look at Harry. “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Harry didn’t bother responding to him, willing himself to not even look at the pair as they walked off together. He instead focused on his drink, just about to get up and go get another one when Calvin, Stan, Alexa and Eleanor sat down, handing him a drink as well.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Harry mumbled with an appreciative smile. He hadn’t gotten a chance to properly talk to them, but they seemed nice if they were buying him rounds.

“No problem, bro,” Calvin replied. “You having a good time?”

“Yeah, Harry, you’ve barely said or done anything since we’ve got here,” Eleanor said. “Are you shy?”

“We’re really friendly,” Alexa said. “Plus, we love hearing you Brits talk. It’s so aesthetically pleasing.”

Harry chuckled, flashing them a dimpled grin. “I’m not shy. Just didn’t realize Lou was so popular around here. Was hoping to spend more time with him.”

“Oh, everyone here loves Louis,” Stan piped up. “He’s so friendly and charming, it’s hard not to. It took him a while to get adjusted around here, though, but he was shy at first, too.”

“Has he been stuck to Nick’s side since we got here?” Calvin asked Harry.

“Um, Nick has been following him around a bit,” Harry replied, biting his lip. "I don't know about Louis, though."

"Interesting," Calvin mused, eyeing them curiously,

“They’re having a lover’s spat, most likely,” Eleanor giggled. “Otherwise the two of them are inseparable. We’d called it the day they met that they’re meant to be. It’s so adorable.”

“It really is,” Alexis cooed.

Harry’s face was burning with embarrassment, his anger building up inside of him, as he tried very to hard to just remain calm. How could he, though, when he felt like Louis was making a complete joke out of him? Harry completely gave himself over his afternoon and Louis was back to being in fucking Nick’s arms, just like Harry had suspected. They were more than what Louis let on despite saying that he wasn’t important. There was so much more there and the more Harry looked, the more he felt like he’d been blind to just fall for Louis’ words.

Louis didn’t even tell him he loved him back. Maybe he just kissed him and slept with him to make Harry feel better because he didn't know how to reject him. Maybe Harry read this whole situation wrong.

"Found some time for your other friends?" Stan asked with a laugh, his voice cutting into Harry's thoughts. He looked up to find Louis and Nick back at their table and standing too close for Harry's comfort.

Louis rolled his eyes at Stan, flicking him on the face. "Not like that, Stan boy," he muttered.

"Lou's playing hard to get tonight," Nick rasped, drunkenly hanging off of Louis. "We all know he loves me, though."

Harry immediately stood up, sliding out of the booth and rushing out of there without another word.He shoved his arms into his jacket, trying to pull it on whilst walking out of the bar as quick as he possibly could. What was he going to do now because he sure as hell couldn’t stay there any longer? Did he take the tube from there and wing it despite not having ridden it alone yet? Surely someone could help him with directions. Or did he just take a cab and ask them? Were there cabs out this late? Harry had no idea. What he did know was that he’d had enough.

“Harry,” Louis shouted, following him out. “Where are you going?”

“Back home,” Harry responded, turning to look at Louis, who was running to catch up with him. “And when I say that, I mean England. This is bloody embarrassing. I feel so off.”

“No,” Louis shook his head vehemently. “It’s fine. Everything is fine. Nick is just drunk. It’s okay.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, but I’m not okay, Lou,” Harry said agitatedly. “I’m so confused because we spent the whole day together yesterday and today and you didn’t even mention Nick once and how serious you guys clearly were. Or how involved you still are.”

“I told you that’s nothing,” Louis argued.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t feel that way, Lou. I feel like a fucking moron. I -- I told you I bloody love you today and it was great, but then you just up and left as soon as Nick came. You didn’t even care that I wanted to stay at home with you and this entire time we’ve been out, your friends have been so clueless, pointing out how the two of you were meant to be this entire time. How am I meant to take that? Can I tell them or do I just let them think that you’re with someone else?”

“You’re meant to ignore that --.”

“You didn’t even tell me you love me back.”

“Is that what this is about?” Louis asked him, starting to get angry himself. “Because I haven’t said it back? If you need me to --.”

“I don't need you to,” Harry shouted, his eyes welling up with tears. “I don’t even know why you asked me to come here, to be honest. I thought it was supposed to mean something. That’s why I opened myself up to you.”

“I told you to come because I missed you! I wanted to see you -- for Christ’s sake, you’re my best friend.”

“No, you just wanted me to come so you can see someone from your old life and compare them with your new one because it’s more shinier and fun and sophisticated, innit?” Harry laughed mockingly, feeling ugly as he did so. “Forget I said anything earlier. It didn’t mean anything.”

Louis widened his eyes in disbelief. “Really? Are we going to just nip it in the bud again like we did on your birthday? Are you honestly joking?”

Harry frowned at him in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Your eighteenth birthday, Harry. When you bloody kissed me and then passed out right after, asking me to not talk about it ever again the day after.”

Harry racked his brain, thinking back to that night and wondering when he’d kissed Louis. That whole night felt like a blur, one that he could barely remember if he tried, and he was just so fucking confused. There was no way they’d kissed because Harry would remember, right? Except he didn’t.

“Louis, I don’t think I remember that.”

Louis seemed a little surprised, looking taken aback as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, it happened. And before you go around mocking me about the way I’ve been living my life, maybe you could think about the fact that I pined over you for almost twelve years, and you never looked at me that way. I had to keep waiting and waiting and now you’re telling me all this, throwing it back to my face as if I’d wronged you when all of this is me growing up, Harry. I’m halfway across the world on my own for the first time and I had to grow up -- without you -- but that isn’t my fault, so I refuse to be blamed for it. You’re not here -- you didn’t come with me and you can’t just tell me off for trying to build a home here.”

“It’s a sucky home, Louis. This isn’t you -- this was never who you were. And Nick is a prick -- he’s a pretentious arsehole.”

“He’s my mate and so is everyone else in there. They’re the only mates I’ve got here and they’re brilliant to me,” Louis defended. “I can’t make you understand, can I?”

“The only thing I’m getting from this is how much of a mistake it was to come here. You don't need me anymore, Lou. You’ve grown and you’re different...you’ve changed, is that it?”

“Harry, you’re completely twisting my words --,” Louis said, running a hand through his hair, frustratedly.

“I’m just telling you the fucking truth.”

“No,” Louis yelled, getting up in Harry’s face. “The truth is you’re being a whiny little brat right now just because I brought you out and introduced you to friends and a lifestyle that you wanted, but couldn’t fucking get because you were rejected and were too scared to tell me about it.”

Harry felt like Louis’d slapped him, his cheeks burning up, as he stared at him. Louis was looking back at him and must have realized that he struck a nerve, his features softening. Harry didn’t care, though. He was completely done. He pushed past Louis, walking down the street, hoping it was the right one.

He heard Louis sigh, turning around. “Harry, wait.”

“No,” Harry shook his head, turning to look at him again, his voice shaking. “Just forget it. Go back in there and hang out with your new amazing mates and live the life you’d always dreamed of.”

Louis scoffed at him. “You know what? I will.”

“Just don’t come whinging to me when you feel empty inside,” Harry said, walking away again.

“No danger of that!”

“Good!”

“Excellent,” Louis shouted so loud, a passerby jumped in surprise.

“Fantastic,” Harry fired back.

**// present day //**

So, Harry was doing it. He was actually going to crash Louis’ wedding and profess his love for him in front of Chloe, her entire family, Louis’ family, all their friends and extended family.

Shit.

It was crazy, really, but Harry had to do it.

He had had this fear inside of him for years and it stemmed mostly from that night in Boston when he’d last seen Louis. When he was walking away from there, trying to think of a plan of how he could get back to England, he wondered if this was one of those fights they used to have. The ones where they’d argue, not speak for a few, short days, and make up as soon as they saw each other. It didn’t feel like that, though. The words they exchanged were harsh and too much had happened to just go back to whatever they had. Harry was fuming at the time and he reckoned Louis was, too, because he hadn’t heard from the other boy since.

But it was Louis and Harry. They _had_ to make up, right? This fight was intense, sure, but it couldn’t be the reason they ended a thirteen year friendship.  

Turned out, it was, thus making his fear a reality.

Neither of them reached out, their egos too big to let their guards down to apologize first, and by the time they did stop being mad, it felt like it was too late. Louis continued to live in Boston and Harry joined Niall in London University. It was hard at first because Harry was so used to having Louis there through all the big moments in his life, but he wasn’t there anymore. He got used to it after a while, making some new friends and trying to fill a void that Louis had so easily left, but he was never quite able to.

Louis was the greatest person Harry knew. He’d met so many people throughout his twenty four years, but no one had quite left an impact like Louis did -- there was no one in the world like him. No one who understood him like Louis did, no one he got on with him as well, no one who knew him -- the real him -- like Louis did.

And Harry was done regretting ever letting him go. He was angry at first, yeah, but that anger had faded into remorse and an ache that only came from how much Harry missed Louis. If Harry didn’t at least try and see Louis one more time -- apologize and try to work things out -- then he’d have two things he’d always regret for the rest of his life.

**…**

Harry had never thought he would be the kind of guy who would rudely barge in on a white veil occasion, but Louis was not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl. On the day of the wedding, Harry got up and put on his best suit before pacing his bedroom, thinking about what the fuck he was about to do.

Crashing a wedding was -- it was _big_ \-- and Harry didn’t ever think his life was a rom com, yet here he was. Just the thought of it was sending Harry into a nervous frenzy and in the end he ended up chugging more than half a bottle of Chardonnay that he had left over from a few nights ago before walking out the door, tripping over his feet one too many times. It wasn’t even like he had a real plan, really. He was just planning to show up and hoping it worked out somehow. It might have helped if he told the other boys and formed a plan with them, but he knew that wasn’t likely, as the boys would try to talk him out of it.

St. Paul’s Cathedral was decked out with rose and gold colored balloons and streamers. People were slowly trickling inside, dressed up in their finest dresses and suits, while a stretch limo with _Just Married_ written on the back, waited outside for the bride and groom to take them to reception after. Harry tried not to snarl at everything bitterly as he walked amongst a crowded group of people, trying to blend in while walking up the steps and into the church.

“Lovely day, innit,” he said faux cheerily to an old couple walking by. That wine was really catching up to him.

The old couple looked slightly startled, but smiled and nodded anyway. Harry pulled on the lapels of his suit and walked inside with them, trying to appear like he was a part of their group. While most were walking inside the church to find a seat in the pews, Harry lingered around the hall, trying to keep a low profile and also scope out his next plan. Was Louis upstairs in a room or was he already standing at the altar? Harry had no idea, but he couldn’t stick around and wait. That would be wasting time that he already lost a lot of. He slipped past everyone, finding a doorway that led up to the rooms, passing by Niall, Liam, Zayn and Sophia, none of whom had spotted him. _Thank God_.

Upstairs, Harry found himself amongst a gaggle of children, a boy dressed in a black tux while the girls wore pretty white dresses, running around and trying to entertain themselves. They must be the flower girls and ring bearer. He smiled at them fondly until he caught a glimpse at a group of women standing by one of the rooms. All of them were dressed in pastel, hair pulled up too tight with their noses upturned, and lips in a dainty pout like they thought they were better than everyone else. They must be Chloe’s family because the similarity in their expressions was uncanny.

“Bethany, you’re ruining my hair,” someone shrieked from inside the room. It sounded a lot like the high pitch, raspy voice Harry used to hear in the school hallways that would come from Chloe. Harry shook his head slowly, feeling pity for the bridesmaid that was getting it from her. “I spent a thousand bloody pounds on this hair. You’re going to ruin everything!”

“I’m sorry, I was only trying to fix the stray,” said someone else, who was most likely Bethany.

“I don’t want to hear it. Don’t touch my hair!”

Harry turned the other way, down the hall and away from _that_ mess, peeking into the rooms to see if Louis was in any of them. When he found no luck, he turned back around, and was headed back downstairs when Chloe walked out of one of the rooms. Harry froze, eyes widening, as he tried to figure out which room to duck in and hide in. It was too late, though, because Chloe had spotted him before he could act.

Her perfectly done eyes widened almost comically, sculpted eyebrows raising in surprise, and Harry shouldn’t be laughing, but he couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of his mouth.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, charging towards him in a soft rose colored wedding dress that was shaped like a pastry. Her snotty little family followed behind her and it was like a war march, making Harry their target.

“Uh, I was, uh, just,” Harry mumbled, racking his brain for an excuse, but drawing a blank.

“You’re not on the invite list,” she hollered, looking far too angry for a girl who was about to be married and live through the best day of her life. Well -- she thought she was. Not until Harry had something to do about it.

“Yes, I am,” Harry lied.

“No, you’re not,” she shook her head stubbornly. “I sent out those invites with Louis. He didn’t put you down.”

“He sent me one later,” Harry shrugged, giving her a smug smile.

Chloe was starting to look so pink from anger, Harry thought her head was going to pop off. “Well, fuck that,” she said, almost desperately. “I’m uninviting you. You’re not allowed to be here.”

“What the fuck? Why?” Harry asked her. “You feel threatened, Chloe. I always knew you were intimidated by me.”

“Intimidated by you?” she bit out with an ugly laugh. “ _As if_. I felt bad for you. Always following Louis around when he didn’t even want to be with you.”

This time it was Harry who was glaring at her. “You keep telling yourself that. Keep pretending like Louis even wants you when he only went out with you because I told him to.”

“ _Get. Out. Now_.”

Harry scoffed in her face, raising his hands in faux surrender, as he walked backwards towards the stairs that led downstairs. He wasn’t going to actually leave -- not without talking to Louis first, who was most definitely not upstairs, which meant he was in the church by the altar.

Great.

As he was trying to figure out a game plan, Harry didn’t get a chance to look where he was going, and bumped straight into another guy. “Oh, sorry, sorry,” he mumbled backing away.

“Harry,” Niall said, grabbing his arm.

Harry looked up, cursing under his breath, as he was met with the curious eyes of his best mates. “Uh...hey guys.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Zayn asked, suspiciously.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Liam said, trying to connect the dots. “You have no invite.”

“Yeah, no shit, honey,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m crashing the wedding.”

“Crashing the wedding?” all three of them whisper shouted in unison.

Harry rolled his eyes again. They were really slow sometimes. “Yes. I need to see Louis -- speak to him.”

“Louis is inside the church, about to get married, Harry. What the hell are you thinking coming here today?” Liam asked him, looking ten seconds away from an aneurysm.

“I need to see him and stop him, guys. He’s -- he can’t get married to her. He will never be happy. She’s not the right one for him. She’s not the one.”

“Then who is?” Zayn challenged, wanting Harry to just say it. He always had even during secondary school when the two would dance circles around one another. Zayn was always the one to be super done with their drama and keep away from it.

“That’s for him to decide,” Harry said pointedly, not giving into Zayn. “But I’m going to tell him how I feel and hope it makes a difference because I can’t sit around and wait anymore. I’ll regret this forever if I don’t say anything.”

“Oh, bloody hell,” Liam muttered, running a hand through his hair. “You’re going to cause a scene, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” Harry shrugged unapologetically, smiling cheekily.

While Zayn and Liam looked worried, Niall grinned, clapping his hands excitedly. “Brilliant. This will be bloody brilliant. Can’t wait, lads.”

“Thank you for the support, Niall. I always knew I liked you the best,” Harry smiled while shooting the other two a look. “Anyway, I need to find a way to sneak in and blend in with everyone because Louis’ lovely bride to be just saw me and uninvited me.”

“Well, how are you going to do that?” Liam asked him.

“Just walk in and make sure no one spots you. I need to be in the center because that way I’m not all the way at the end where Louis won’t see me or towards the front so that Chloe can see me. Somewhere in the middle will help me say what I need to say.”

“Fine,” Zayn said. “We’ll help you sneak in. Sophia’s already inside and you can sit beside her.”

Harry nodded, walking into the church, and slipping behind the curtains when he caught sight of Louis at the front of the altar. Fuck. He really should have thought this through. Harry peered out, looking at him once again, his throat catching when he got a good look.

Louis looked absolutely beautiful.

His hair was shorter on the sides, quiff curled like a cinnamon roll, and he had on a tuxedo with a rose colored bowtie. Harry couldn’t even find it in himself breathe because Louis looked so breathtaking. One thing missing, though, was a smile. It was nowhere to be found, but instead, he looked nervous, jittering from where he was standing.

It was possible that Harry could have stood there for hours just staring at Louis, but he noticed Sophia in one of the pews towards the middle, as he wanted, and knew that he couldn’t do that. He had to get on with the plan. Harry slipped out of the curtains again, following behind a group of people as they walked down the aisle to sit somewhere and quickly slid in beside Sophia.

She raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a knowing smirk. “What?” Harry mumbled bashfully.

“I knew you were going to do this,” she said. “Saw it in your eyes that night at dinner.”

“Well, sorry, mum,” Harry said, earning him a smack on the arm from her. He laughed, trying to focus on the task at hand, which were causing nervous butterflies to flutter in his stomach. He tried looking around the room as fond gestures were exchanged between friends and family alike, hoping it would calm his nerves. It was a pretty wedding and placed in an even prettier cathedral. Everything was really well done and Chloe had clearly gone above and beyond.

Too bad Harry was about to stop it.

A shame, really.

Just then the organ started to play, a song Harry knew was the wedding march, but sounded more like a death march. Everyone turned to look at the entrance of the church as bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle to join Louis at the altar. Zayn, Niall and Liam were amongst the first to come out, grinning as they stood by Louis, giving him a hard squeeze on the arm. At the sight of them, Louis loosened up a bit and even cracked a smile. Harry also saw some of Louis’ friends from Boston join him, which was interesting because Nick wasn’t amongst them.

Ha.

At last, it was time for Chloe to come out, her father holding her arm as she floated down the aisle like a pageant queen, waving her hand at everyone. When Harry looked back up at Louis, he saw him smiling, but it wasn’t one that reached his eyes. It was a forced one -- one that only Harry recognized. He wondered if Louis would rather it was him walking down the aisle for him. Would he smile genuinely then?

After Chloe joined Louis at the altar, the preacher began to speak.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Louis Tomlinson and Chloe Clearwater in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this -- these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together -- let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

There was a silence.

Harry knew _this_ was his last chance and with a deep breath, he stood up with shaking hands. It happened in slow motion as every person in the room slowly looked at him with horrified expressions, but Harry was only looking at Louis.

Louis looked at a loss for words, his mouth hanging open, staring at Harry like he was looking at a ghost. And Harry supposed that made sense. It’d been eight years, after all.

“Uh...I -- uh, hi Lou,” Harry said with a nervous chuckle, not really sure what to say now that he’d stood up. What did people usually say when they did these things? Maybe Harry should have watched a few rom coms before he came to get an idea. “I, um, I’m not really sure how to go about doing this. Nor do I really know what the proper thing to say is. I object? Is that it or is that only in court?”

Someone was snickering. Actually, a few someones, and Harry bet his bottom fucking dollar it was Niall, Liam and Zayn. Louis, for the most part, had an amused eyebrow raised, his lips twitching into a small smile.

“I guess there really isn’t a right thing to say,” Harry laughed nervously again, his hand running through hair. “I know it’s been a long time and I know we aren’t exactly on speaking terms, but it’s been eight years without you, Lou, and I can’t begin to tell you how dull it’s been. I’ve missed you every single second of every single day and I think back a lot to what’s happened and I think of all the different ways it could have gone had I done, said or thought something different, but it’s sort of useless at this point. You’re here and you’re about to get married, something I would have never known had I not decided to be a nosey bastard for once in my life.”

“It’s true,” Niall added, nodding over at everyone in agreement.

Harry flipped the bird at Niall, making a few people laugh this time, before continuing. “While thinking back to what happened and all those years spent with you, I thought a lot about life in general. Like how choosing the, uh, choosing the person you’re going to spend your life with is one of the most important decisions any of us ever makes. Ever. Because when it’s wrong, it turns your life to gray and then sometimes you don’t even notice it until you wake up one morning and realize that years have gone by. We both know about that one, Lou.”

Louis’ eyes were unwavering, trained on Harry, listening with an earnest expression. His hands were clasped behind his back and Harry just knew he was nervously wringing them together. Knew he was probably a little furious with Harry for doing this now of all times.

“Your friendship had brought so much color and fun into my life. It was there even when everything else was dark and I feel like I’d been the luckiest person alive. I hope I didn’t take it for granted, but I think maybe I did because sometimes you don’t see that the best thing that’s ever happened to you is sitting there right under your nose. And I know I have no right to be here and tell you all this when you’re about to get married, but I just couldn’t go on with my life without telling you just how I felt even after all these years.”

Harry cleared his throat, feeling it thicken, while his eyes got watery. The intent behind what he was saying was finally catching up to him, making him realize how much he wanted this -- wanted Louis to drop everything and follow him blindly like he used to. However, a part of him also knew that that might not be possible anymore.

“I’ll understand completely if you still choose to marry Chloe and continue your life together because I do want you to be happy and if she’s the one making you happy, that’s fine, too. It really is, but just know that no matter where you are or what you’re doing or who you’re with, I will always, honestly, truly, completely love you.”

A wave of hushed whispers followed Harry’s speech as he looked at Louis, watching the other boy look completely torn apart, his eyes full of emotion.

“So, if any of what I’m saying means anything to you, please don’t say yes or I do or any of your vows. If you still love me like you used to, run away with me now.”

The hushed whispers grew louder, everyone looking around the church, alarmed and eager to see what Louis would do. That was when Harry realized Chloe was still there.

“I told you to leave,” she cried, picking up her dress by the side and stomping her heeled foot down. “I uninvited you upstairs and you still stayed and you’re ruining _everything_ that I spent so much on. Get the fuck out. Someone kick him the fuck out.”

“You don’t have to kick me out,” Harry said, clearing his throat as he watched Louis stare at the ground, not meeting his eyes any longer. “I’ll see my own self out. Did what I wanted to do.”

He took one last, longing look at Louis, catch the sympathetic eyes of his mates, before sliding past Sophia and walking back towards the exit. He could feel his heart growing heavier with every step he took, just like that day when he dropped Louis off at the airport, and he wondered if he’d have to live with this for the rest of his life. Because God knew he wasn’t ever going to find someone like Louis ever again.

“Wait, Harry.”

Harry froze, his heart thumping in his chest, as he whirled around to see Louis running towards him.

“You bloody idiot,” Louis said with a watery laugh before wrapping his arms around Harry in a tight hug.

The tears that were forming in Harry’s own eyes finally fell as a smile took over his face and his arms wrapped around Louis. He could hear their friends cheering in the back as well as a few people clapping while Chloe screamed bloody murder and threw her bouquet down on the ground in a fit of anger. None of that mattered, though.

Harry got his boy back.

“Leave it to you to make a bloody scene,” Louis mumbled, pulling his head back to look at Harry whilst keeping his arms wrapped around him. “I fucking waited for you for eight years and you chose today of all days to declare your love for me.”

Harry shrugged guilty. “You know I’ve always been a bit slow, Lou.”

“Slow is correct,” Louis reprimanded, smoothing out Harry’s suit where he bunched it up. He met his eyes, both of them crying like a pair of buffoons, and smiled so wide, Harry thought he was going to pass out from how much he loved him. “You’re a lot of things, but I still love you. Always have, always will.”

“Yeah?” Harry asked, leaning forward so that their lips are on a few centimeters apart. “Even when I mess up and take too long?”

“Well, we’re both going to mess up, H. Doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you or will. I’ve always been yours, was just waiting for you to realize it.”

Harry smiled, leaning forward to kiss Louis, when both of them were jostled apart. Chloe was stood between them looking absolutely _livid._ Harry was genuinely scared for his life, slowly backing away to stand behind Louis.

“What is going on, Louis?” she asked him shrilly. “Are you actually leaving me at the altar? You can’t possibly leave _me_ for this froggy looking Tarzan boy.”

“ _Heeeey_ ,” Harry whined, frowning at her.

“Well, it’s true,” she shrugged, crossing her perfectly manicured hands.

“Chloe,” Louis said softly, sounding exhausted. He stopped himself short, turning to Harry. “I need a moment to, uh, settle this.”

“I get it,” Harry replied. “I’ll meet you by the backdoor of the church.”

Louis gave him a confirming smile before turning to face the wrath of Chloe.

**…**

It took Louis a while to settle everything.

Harry saw people slowly spilling out of the church and getting back in their cars to head back home, gossiping about the events of today. When Niall, Liam, Sophia, and Zayn walked out, they all gave him a secretive thumbs up and encouraging smile before heading towards home as well. Chloe and her family were amongst the last to leave, her cries and wails heard from blocks and blocks away.

When Harry saw Louis walk down, tugging at his bowtie, he walked up to him. “Hi,” he said.

Louis turned to face Harry, giving him a smile. “Hi.”

“So, I had a weird dream.”

“Oh,” Louis laughed. “Did you? Let me guess -- you were Morgan Freeman’s son this time. No, no, wait. You were the long, sticky part of the arrow. Maybe the wing of an aeroplane.”

Harry giggled, ducking his head down shyly as he shook his head. “No, I was me and you were you. And we were both standing here, outside the church. You didn’t say your vows and you chose me.”

Louis pinched his lips together, trying to fight off a smile, but failed. His arms came around to hold Harry again around the waist while Harry’s arms wrapped around Louis’ shoulders.

“And I took you in my arms, like this,” Harry said, moving closer so that there wasn’t an inch of space between their bodies. “And I said...Louis Tomlinson, can I take you to the school dance?”

Louis sniffled, eyes watery again, as he laughed. “Better late than never.”

Harry laughed with him, moving closer until their noses were touching, breathing in Louis’ smell before closing the distance between their lips. Just like that, he felt whole again, like the part of him that had been missing was back. And Louis kissed Harry back, as though he was making up for lost time, but it was fine because Harry knew they had a long way to go.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://quitefinishedlarry.tumblr.com/)


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